Struggle For Control
by Pirate's Wench
Summary: COMPLETED! Mort Rainey's life after he gets away with murder. Is he allowed to start his life over again, or will his mind once again overrun his actions? Please ReadReview...and be very open. No flames Please.
1. Mort Rainey

**_Author's Note: _**O.K., I have to say a few things before you read this.  There are spoilers if you haven't seen the movie!

#1 – When I went to see this movie – I rooted for Mort.  Psycho or not, it was hard for me not to.  O.K., he got a little bit scary when he was finally seen as "John Shooter" – but then at the end of the movie, he was just so happy and…I digress.  He was cute, I liked him, so on to other things.

#2 – I honestly started this fic as kind of a joke for myself.  You have to stretch things a bit in the fact that the police (who seemed pretty lazy to me anyway) never found the bodies.  Anyway, I wanted an excuse to write some fluff with Mort Rainey…however, in a matter of a day, I've actually really gotten into the inner/outer dialogue and think that this is something that's going to be more serious than I intended.

#3 – Please don't yell Mary Sue.  It is very hard to keep oneself out of a fic involving the likes of Mr. Depp.  Maybe it is, maybe it isn't – ladies, insert yourself into the story and have a ball!  Heehee.

#4 – I've come to the conclusion that you need a key to understand what's going on here, so her it goes.  When Mort's thoughts are written in _italics_ then they are his own innocent Mort Rainey thoughts.  When the thoughts are written in **bold** then they are "John Shooter's" thoughts.  When the thoughts are written in **_bold italics_** they belong to the part of Mort Rainey that knows everything that's going with both "Innocent Mort" and "John Shooter."  Have I confused you?  I hope not – if you've seen the movie, then all of that should make sense.  ***Any other characters' thoughts are in regular _italics_ and will be by that character's name/dialogue to avoid confusion.

#5 – I don't flame you, so please don't flame me – it's just not nice.

#6 – I own nadda, zip, zero, other than my OCs.

O.K., all that aside, I give you chapter one.  Enjoy and please review!

***

Mort Rainey had disappeared from his home in the woods without anyone noticing – or perhaps caring.  Dave Newsome never found the truck in the lake and seemed a bit too lazy to bother digging up Mort's property…not that he would have found much so many months later.

"The Secret Window" had been fixed and republished and John Shooter appeared to be gone.  Strangely enough, the ending of Mort's story now seemed to ring true: he honestly couldn't remember what had happened to the four people he had murdered…not to mention his – no, Amy's dog.

Mort woke up one morning with a strong urge to leave the cabin and start his life over somewhere new.  He also had an intense dislike for the look, smell, and taste of corn.  The braces gone, and his outlook oddly optimistic, he packed up and moved out of state.  His savings account was more than enough for him to live off of for the rest of his years and he had decided that writing needed to sit on the back burner for a while…it seemed to make him – edgy.  There was also a part of his brain that was telling him to stay off of the public radar for a while, but he wasn't sure why.

As much as Mort seemed to revel in the solitude he had in his cabin, the thought of being cut off from society now made him feel uncomfortable.  He used to be a social creature before Amy had…no, those thoughts didn't enter his mind anymore – there was no reason for them to.  He hadn't heard from Amy in the longest time…not since the papers were signed – even then, he heard nothing.

He moved into a quiet suburban neighborhood and felt very at peace with himself.  He was congenial with the neighbors, and quite well liked.  He was happy enough doing renovations on the house he'd bought – it was quite the "fixer-upper."  He couldn't help but feel a bit odd when he walked through the house the first time and saw all of the needed repairs – the bathroom especially struck him…the mirror and shower door were shattered.  He took care of those repairs first and the eerie feeling left him.

In actuality, all of _those_ events in Mort's life had happened almost two years ago, but again, his memories were blank of them.  The eerie feelings came now and again when he saw certain objects or heard a particular sound and every once in a great while, he would have flashes of things in his sleep that disturbed him, but nothing harsh enough to remember.  For the most part, Mort's life was peaceful and…good.


	2. A fateful accident?

Sex.  It was something absent in Mort's life for longer than he cared to remember.  He wasn't a typical male, if he were, he would have had no qualms about finding a willing, breathing woman to take to his bed.  No, he saw physical intimacy as something that should not be taken lightly under any circumstance…it could lead to things getting rather messy.  Sure, the urges were there, but they weren't strong enough to do anything more than…attend to the matter himself.  This solution suited him just fine until he saw _her_.

Alexandra Leidy sat at a red light – nothing unusual for her daily routine.  She looked down at her clothes and laughed; there were splotches of red paint all over her.  _Mental note: leave painting to the art teacher._  She loved her class, but they weren't the neatest group.

Just when she thought she was stuck at the world's longest light, she felt a hard impact on her car from the behind, then the unmistakable crunching of metal.  She watched as her car crashed into the black Nissan Exterra in front of her own.  Her head snapped forward, only then realizing what had happened.

In her review mirror, she watched the car behind her pull out and race up the lane along side her, out of sight.  Holding her head she thought, _That didn't just happen._  Her body ached already and she couldn't move well enough to get out of her car.  She thought she could make out sirens in the distance.  Her eyes began to tear as the driver of the car in front of hers got out.  She closed her eyes and waited to be yelled at, knowing full well that this wasn't her fault.  She had been driving with her window down, which let her hear the approaching footsteps.  

"Oh my God.  Miss, are you all right?" a man's voice asked.

Alexandra opened her eyes and would have nodded if her neck wasn't in so much pain.  She started to cry as she said, "I'm so sorry, it was…"  She looked up the best that she could and stopped talking.  _You would have to hit someone good looking, wouldn't you?_  "…sorry about your car."

Mort looked at the young woman and there was a flash in his mind.  **Blood…but not as much as we saw**_._  Mort shook his head and the thought left as quickly as it came leaving no memory of itself behind.  "Not your fault, Miss, I saw the ass that hit you.  You got it much worse than I did."

"I…I did?" she asked, not processing exactly what he meant.  "Oh, front and rear you mean?"

"No, well, yes…but, I mean, you look pretty hurt."

"Huh?"

"You're bleeding," Mort said plainly.

"I am?"  She let her eyes look down – the paint.  "Oh, no," she said quickly, "that's not blood, it's paint.  Um, moving at the moment, however, isn't going so well."

Mort looked up the street.  "The ambulance is almost here."  

Alexandra looked at the man who was currently holding her head still for her.  She could have sworn she'd seen him somewhere before.  _Sure, like you could forget that face._  Despite her thoughts, she had to ask, if not just to break the silence.  "Is there any chance I could know you from someplace?" 

**_She thinks she knows you…_**  Once again, the thought came and went in a flash.  Finding the woman attractive, Mort decided to lay down some charm.  "I'd certainly remember if I'd seen you before.  I've only been in town a short time."

Alexandra couldn't help but blush – whether he had meant it as a compliment or not, she took it as one.  "Oh…"  She didn't have time to say more; the ambulance had arrived.  She was taken out of her car on a backboard and put onto a gurney.  Before she was hoisted into the ambulance she said, "Thanks for not yelling."  Mort smiled at her.

"Sir, are you injured?" a paramedic asked. 

"Huh?"  Mort was slightly startled.  "Uh, no…no, I'm fine.  Will she be all right?"

"Should be – she'll have to get some x-rays.  You a friend?"

Mort hesitated a moment.  "No."  _I'd like to be…_


	3. I Knew You Looked Familiar

The damage to Mort's vehicle wasn't bad at all.  He had a rather large dent in the back and a broken taillight, but other than that it was fine and, more importantly, drivable.  The woman who hit him, however, had a vehicle beyond repair.  Mort had begun to drive home, but couldn't get the woman's face out of his mind.  He turned around and drove to the hospital.  Once there, he had to track her down.  He approached the first desk he found in the emergency room.

"Um, excuse me?"

"Yes?" the nurse answered.

"Uh, there was a car accident about forty-five minutes ago.  I believe a young woman was brought here."

"Name?"

"Well, you see, I didn't exactly get it, but she rear ended me and was pretty hurt.  I just, um…"  Mort felt himself blush.  _Huh…isn't that interesting?_  "…I want to know if she's O.K."

The nurse studied Mort for a moment, then looked through some papers.  "I think you might find her behind curtain twelve."

A smile crossed his lips.  "Thank you."  He walked through the bustling ER until he came upon what he thought was the right place.  Luckily, the curtain was open, so he didn't have to awkwardly peek in.  His actions were almost sheepish as he weakly waved to the woman in bed.  "How're you feeling?"

Genuinely surprised, Alexandra's eyes widened.  "I, um…I'm O.K., I guess.  Are you hurt too?"

"No."

"How come you're here then?" she asked, confused.

Mort shuffled his feet a bit.  "I wanted to, um…make sure you were all right."

"Wow."

"Wow?"

"Yeah, I didn't expect to see you again."

A half smile appeared on Mort's face.  "Did…did you want to?"

Alexandra smiled back at him.  "Maybe."

"Maybe…I like that answer."  Mort felt strange around this woman.  There were feelings flowing through his veins that were alien to him – he knew that he must have felt them before, but it had been so long.  He didn't even know her name and yet, she enchanted him.

"Oh yeah?  Well, how about you answer something for me then?"

"Sure."

"What's your name?"

Mort frowned a bit.  **_Maybe she doesn't read…_ ** "Mort, er, Morton.  Morton Rainey."

Alexandra froze for a moment, then smiled.  "I knew you looked familiar," she said softly.  "I've taken you to bed with me quite a few times."  Yes, she meant for it to sound that way.

"You…what?"

"Your books, I read them in bed."

"Put you to sleep, do they?"

She smiled.  "Hardly.  Wow, of all the people to wreck into…"  She furrowed her brow a bit.  "What on earth are you doing here of all places?"

"Ah ah – you said one question."

"Actually I asked you to answer 'something' a something can be more than one thing…right?"

Mort smiled again.  _I like her._  "Perhaps, but it's only fair that I know your name now, isn't it?"

"Alexandra Liedy," she said matter-of-factly.  "Um, Alex," she added, her voice a bit more unsure of itself.

"So, Alexandra Liedy…"

"Alex," she insisted.

"Alex.  Are they going to let you out of here?"

She laughed.  "As soon as they find a reason to run more tests and charge more money, I'm sure they will."  

"You have a way out of here?  Someone coming to get you?"  He looked at her left hand and frowned internally.  "Husband, maybe?"

Alex played with her I.D. tag.  "Not married," she said feeling a bit uncomfortable.

Obviously embarrassed, Mort said.  "Oh, sorry, I saw your rings and assumed…"

"Widowed," she added.

Another vanishing thought.  **Like you.**  "I'm so sorry.  I'd stick my foot in my mouth, but it's muddy and…"

Alex laughed at him.  "It's O.K., it's been a year and a half; I'll get around to taking these off eventually.  Anyway, as for a way home, my sister is watching my daughter, I can call her."

"You…you have a daughter?"

_And off he runs…_  "Uh huh…my little angel," Alex said, her voice sounding almost wounded.  She knew all too well that as soon as a man hears a woman is a single mother, they bolt.  She hadn't even attempted dating for that precise reason.

"How old is she?"

"Nine months."

"Just a baby…"

_Wonder if he thinks I'm some sort of slut now…may as well get this out in the open.  Wait a minute, why?  Oh, right, he's gorgeous and seems interested in me – or at least did.  Crap, he's looking at me – I'm not talking…_  "You're wondering how, right?"  Mort semi-nodded.  "Most people do.  I was only a month pregnant when my husband died."

Mort looked down.  "I'm sorry, none of this is my business.  Um, there's really no need to disturb your daughter…How 'bout I give you a lift?"

"Thanks for the offer, but you don't have to."

"I know, but I'd really like to."


	4. Can I see you again?

After Alex was released, Mort helped her to his car, and drove her to her sister's house.  Alex had become groggy from the pain medicine she was given, so not much was said other than directions.  They reached the house and Mort helped Alex to walk.  More of her muscles were stiffening than she expected.  She rang the doorbell and her sister, Karen, answered.

Karen immediately noticed the bruise the seatbelt had left across her sister's neck and chest.  "Alex?  What happened to you?"  

"Car accident."

"I've been worried sick!  Why didn't you call?"

Mort spoke up.  "That was my doing.  She told me about the baby and I told her she didn't need to bother you."

Karen smiled.  "And you are?"

"Morton Rainey."

Not being an avid reader of any sort, the name didn't ring a bell with her.  "And you know Alex…?"

"She rear ended me – but, only because the ass behind her got her first."

Alex blushed.  "He came to the hospital to make sure I was all right."

Karen's eye lit up.  "I just finished with dinner, how about you come in, Morton?"

"I don't want to impose," he said, feeling suddenly shy.

"It's not imposing, you took care of my baby sister.  Come on."  Karen stepped aside and motioned for Mort to come in.  Alex smiled and nudged him – he walked inside.

"How was she for you today, Karen?" Alex asked.

            "Her usual easygoing self," Karen laughed.  "I think she really missed you today though.  She should be waking up from her nap."

            Alex smiled and looked at Mort.  "Would you like to meet her?"

            For some reason, Mort found himself surprised that Alex had asked him that question, however, he smiled and nodded.  "I would."  He followed Alex into what appeared to be her daughter's home away from home.  His breath caught when he saw the baby.  **You were supposed to have one of your own**_._  He heard the tail end of that thought, but shook it away.

            "There's my angel," Alex said sweetly.  The baby seemed a bit groggy, but a smile appeared on her chubby face.

            Mort's eyes lit up when he saw that smile.  "She's beautiful," he said softly.  

"Thank you," Alex said, blushing.

**Makes you wonder, doesn't it?  What yours could have looked like if she hadn't lost it…**  Tears came to his eyes, but he blinked them back before Alex could see them.  He watched as Alex attempted to pick up her daughter, but it was obvious that the pain in her neck and back was a bit too much for her to bear.  The baby began to cry softly.

Alex sighed.  "She wants to be held."  She bit her lower lip.  "I, um, I feel funny asking, and you certainly don't have to, but I'd really appreciate it if you could help me get her to the living room."

"Of course," he said sweetly.  He picked up the baby and her cries turned into coos.  **_The child trusts you…_**  The voice other began to laugh.  **If she only knew what you've done.**  Mort couldn't hear it – all of his attention was focused on the baby.  "What's her name?"

"Julia," Alex answered softly.  

Mort's mind flashed back to nearly four years ago…

"Amy, I put off the story for a few days – the publisher can wait, other things are more important.  I started on the nursery today.  They were out of the paint that you wanted, but I really think that you'll like what I…"

"Mort, I…" 

_"No, really, it's great and…"_

_"There's no baby, Mort…"_

_"Of course there's a baby, Amy…"_

_"It's…I lost it…"_

_"What?"_

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart, I…" 

"Mort?" Alex's voice broke through his thoughts – he couldn't have been happier about that.

"Sorry, I…I was thinking about…"  **_Willing to let her in so soon?_**  

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Alex smiled.  "Julia never takes so well to people she doesn't know, she must like you."

Mort chuckled.  "Oh?"

"Mm hm."

Feeling oddly confidant, he asked.  "And what does her mother think of me?"

"She'll let you know," Alex said, still smiling.  Mort couldn't help but take that as something positive.

Mort stayed for dinner and the voice was either quiet or Mort was unable to hear it.  Alex didn't ask him a single question about his writing, which was more than refreshing for him – though part of him wondered why it was that she didn't ask at least a _little_ something.

_Maybe she wants to know you as a person, not as a writer._  Mort smiled at the thought.  

Alex had made arrangements to stay at Karen's house for the weekend – hopefully by Sunday she'd be back to herself again.  She was thankful that her school had a long weekend – it was closed on Monday.  Mort kept trying to get up enough nerve to ask Alex if he could see her again, but his mind wouldn't let the words form once he opened his mouth.

You're meant to be alone now – you know that.  We have done too much… 

_No, it wasn't my fault – they pushed me until I broke.  I'm different now, I've changed._

****

**You'll never change because I'll always be here.  You need me to survive.  However, if you want to kill again…****__**

**_Leave him alone, Shooter!  _**

****

**Would have turned himself in if he was fine – just like I said I would.****__**

"Stop," Mort said softly.

"Pardon?" Alex asked.

"Huh?"  He was beginning to panic, his mind hadn't acted up like this in so long…and he could hear all of it now.  "Um, nothing, I should get going."

"Oh," she seemed a bit unhappy with his answer, but tried not to let on to it.  "I never really thanked you for today – I said sorry a lot, but not thank you…"  She took a deep breath and kissed his cheek.  The moment her lips touched his skin, everything inside of his head stopped.  "…so, um, thank you."

"You're welcome," Mort said – his voice sounded distant.

"In case you were wondering about Julia's mother," Alex added, blushing, "she likes you too."

"Can I see you again?" Mort blurted, sounding almost frantic.  Alex's eyes widened a bit.  "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to just come out like that.  I wanted to ask for the last hour or so, but I just couldn't get it out – nerves I guess."

"Nerves?"

"I, uh, haven't seen anyone in quite some time."

Finding that very hard to believe, Alex gently crossed her arms over her chest.  She had a playful flare in her voice as she said, "Well, I don't know, my schedule's pretty full…"  She watched Mort's face twist into one of defeat.  Unable to resist, she put her mouth next to his ear and whispered, "I'd love to see you again."  She'd never wanted to kiss someone as badly as she wanted to kiss the man in front of her…not since her husband had passed.  What she couldn't believe was that she had only just met him.  She trusted him enough to take her home, to hold her child.  _What is it about him?  _She let her body stay close to his, hoping that he would make a move.

Go on then, she wants to be touched…

**_Take it easy, don't scare her – she makes him leave you._**

****

Mort closed his eyes and softly pressed his lips to Alex's.  He only let himself linger for a moment before pulling away.  For Mort, it was almost like a test – for Alex, pure romance.  "Sunday?" he asked, unsure.  "If you feel up to it, can I take you to dinner?"

Alex smiled.  "I'll be up to it."  She couldn't tear her eyes away from his.  "Sunday.  You can pick me up here."

"I'll…"  **_You don't need to say anything, it's O.K._**  "…see you then.  Goodnight."

"'Night."


	5. Late Night Conversation

Mort crawled beneath the covers, a smile still on his face.  He took off his glasses and turned off the light, drifting to sleep a bit easier than usual.  His thoughts didn't invade his sleep…but a vivid dream did…

"Alex…"  It was his own voice that he heard.  Suddenly he felt a heat enveloping his body; he also felt a warm body beneath him.  He opened his eyes and saw Alex's face.  Her eyes were closed and her head was tilted back.  He felt her nails dragging down his back. 

"Faster," Alex panted.  "Please…uhn…yes…"

Mort's hips pistoned at an unworldly rate.  His heart was pounding against his chest, sweat poured from his skin, and he felt himself reaching his release…  

His eyes jolted open.  His heart was still racing, his breathing still ragged…and his sheets – a mess.  "Shit…"  _Haven't done that since I hit puberty._

The voice inside his head, which Mort took to be some form of his conscience, since it was his own, spoke up.  **_Had to wake you up somehow._**

"I don't want to be awake, I want to be asleep," Mort said aloud to himself.

**_I'm very aware of this, but we need to talk._**

"I don't like talking to you.  Makes me feel like I'm cracking up."

**_You already cracked up, remember?_**

****

"Not when I can help it."

**_You can thank me for that, I do my best to keep him away from you._**

****

"He's still here?"

The voice sounded pitying.  **_You know he is._**

****

"Why are we talking?" Mort asked, yawning.  "I haven't talked to myself in quite a while."

**_Well, then there must be a good reason._**

"Yeah, but what?"

**_Not what, Mort, who._**

****

Mort looked around the room as if he could ignore his own voice.  "What are you talking about?"

**_You can't keep secrets from me – you can't keep them from him either.  I know you heard some of what he said to you._**

"Fragments…"

**_You like her._**

****

"Am I not supposed to?"

**_Do you think you deserve a relationship?_**

****

Mort's voice sounded pained when he answered.  "I've been alone for so long…she likes me too and…"

**_You've killed._**

****

"He killed!  It wasn't me!"  Mort pulled his legs up to his chest and rocked himself.  "It wasn't me!"

**_Calm down, don't let yourself get upset._**

****

"I don't want to think about what you told me!  If I have no memory of it, why do I have to believe that I did it?"

**_I protected you from it – and I brought you back.  I fought him off for you, so you have no choice but to listen to me._**

Mort sniffled.  "Fine."

**_The police never did their job the right way, and for that, you're a free man.  Don't make me regret not turning you in._**

"Shooter said…he said he'd turn himself in and…"

**_Let's leave that mess behind, all right?_**  Mort nodded.  **_Let's think about something: What happens if things don't work out with her?_**

****

"Then they don't work.  We're not married, it's not like she's Am…"

**_Don't think about her.  She doesn't matter.  What if you fall in love with this woman, hm?  What if you want to marry her?_**

****

"I only just met her," Mort said insistently.

**_And the physical attraction alone was enough to bring on this conversation._**

****

"Being attracted to someone is suddenly something bad?"

**_Haven't you thought about the fact that you haven't so much as asked a woman out to coffee since your marriage…dissipated?  _**

****

Mort shrugged.  "Hasn't been anyone I wanted to ask – it's not like I wasn't looking."

**_Why the sudden change?  Things are fine this way._**

****

"They are not fine!"

**_Nobody's getting hurt…_**

****

"I'm getting hurt!"  Mort got up from his bed, ignoring the mess that was made.  "I need some sort of human contact that's more then a passing wave!  Being alone…I don't want it taking its toll on me."

**_That's just what we need to worry about._**

****

"What?"

**_Things taking their toll on you.  I'll tell you what – we'll see how things go on Sunday, but if he sneaks his way in, you have to call it off._**

****

Mort sighed.  "Fine.  Can I sleep now?"

**_Clean up first._**

****


	6. When did this turn into seeing someone?

Alex woke up rather stiff on Saturday morning, but was happy nonetheless.  After changing Julia – which took longer than usual – she brought her into the living room and sat down.  "O.K., I think Mommy's done moving for the day."  Though she couldn't understand what was said, Julia giggled at her mother.

Karen then walked in, a cup of coffee in her hand and a smile on her face.  "So, I didn't want to ask last night, since you went to bed early and all, but, um, what's the deal with Mort?"

"What deal?" Alex asked, trying to "keep her cool."  

"Someone you wrecked into was making puppy dog eyes at you all through dinner and _you_ mirrored them.  I've only seen you like that once before."

Alex looked at Julia.  "I know, Karen.  I have no idea what I'm thinking right now."

"Well, let's see, he's cute, charming, apparently a gentlemen considering all he did for you yesterday…"

Alex smiled.  "Seems like he's shy for the most part, which is just…adorable…"

"So when are you seeing him?"

"Seeing him?  What makes you ask that?"

Karen raised an eyebrow.  "C'mon, Alex…"

Alex smiled.  "Tomorrow.  Can you watch Julia?"

"Of course I can.  I never thought you'd get out there again."

Trying to change the subject, Alex asked, "When does Steven get home from his trip?"

"Monday morning."  Karen steered the conversation back on track.  "I think he'll be just as happy that you're seeing someone."

"Whoa, when did this turn into seeing someone?" Alex said, a bit defensively.  "It's one date!"

"One date that could turn into another, right?"

Alex thought for a moment, her cheeks blushing.  "I guess.  It's kind of odd though.  My first 'date' in such a long time and it winds up being with a best selling author."

"Huh?"

Alex laughed, then used her "teaching voice."  "Well, you see Karen, there are these things called books that are filled with…"

Karen cut her sister off.  "You are _so _lucky that you're hurt right now.  I just didn't know he was 'somebody.'"

"I have most of what he's written."

"You didn't say a thing about it last night."

"No, I guess I didn't."

Karen seemed a bit puzzled.  "Uh, why?"

"I don't know…he was…a person – he was interesting on his own, I didn't want to talk to him like a fan…"

"Um, but you are one, right?" Karen asked, smiling.

Alex huffed a bit, shaking her head.  "Yeah, but…Karen, you're doing this on purpose aren't you?"

Karen laughed.  "Uh huh, I haven't been able to fluster you like this since high school."

"Well, let me get back into my high school mentality."  Alex cleared her throat.  "You suck!"  Both women started laughing.

"O.K., I'm done teasing you, Alex.  So, what are you gonna wear?"

"I don't even know where we're going.  Besides, my clothes are at home, I really don't want to move and…"

"My closet then.  Come on."

"He's not coming until tomorrow," Alex insisted. 

"So?  I haven't got to dress you up for a date in ages.  Humor me?"

Alex gave up and sighed.  "All right."


	7. Paranoid, boy?

On Sunday evening, hot water streamed over Mort's body – this relaxed his nerves a bit, but not completely.  He looked at the clear glass of the shower door; it was steamed up and he found himself wiping away the thin film with his hand.  

**Paranoid, boy?**

"I didn't just hear that," he said to himself.  "Please, God…I didn't just hear that."  Mort quickly finished showering and toweled off.  He again wiped away steam, this time from mirror.  He ran a comb through his hair as he studied his reflection.

**_I'm sorry, I tried._**

****

"Yeah, well…"  Mort sighed, his body suddenly feeling very weighted.  "I think I'm gonna call this off."

**_Call it off?  Wait a minute, why call it off?  If you were going to call it off, then I wouldn't have needed to try to talk you out of it in the first place._**

****

"Didn't expect him to show up.  You said he wouldn't."

**_I know.  It was just a fluke.  He's trying to scare you._**

****

"He does scare me!  Every time I hear him…I'm scared shitless."

**_One night out.  You convinced me it would be O.K., now you have to prove yourself._**

****

"Keep him away?"

**_I will._**

Still a bit shaken, Mort finished getting ready.  He threw on a pair of pants and a sweater – the weather had turned colder since Friday.  He nervously cleaned his glasses, put them back on, and walked out the door.  _Please let me be the only one going on this date._

*******

**_Author's Note:_** Very short, chapter, I know – sorry about that.  I know that I've added some humor into this story, but there were humorous bits in the movie as well (Ex: "Chiiiiiico!  Don't be discoouuuuraged! Heehee)  Anyway, believe me, things are going to get more intense as the story line moves on.  The rating is going to be changed to "R" shortly.


	8. Awkwardness and Honesty

Mort sat in the driveway for a moment before mustering enough self-esteem to get out of his vehicle.  He took several deep breaths while he walked up to the front door.  His mind was silent save for his _own_ thoughts.  _She already said that she likes me…of course we didn't really talk about ourselves very much – in fact, we don't even know each other, not really.  Great, she likes some shell version of me.  Is that bad?  God, I think too much._  Mort had let his mind drift a bit too much and he didn't realize that he was standing in front of the door.  _I'm acting like I've never dated before.  I used to date all the time before I was married.  Get it together, Mort._  He rang the doorbell.

Karen answered the door, Julia in her arms and a smile on her face.  "Hi there," she said sweetly.

"Hello," Mort said to her.  He smiled at Julia.  "Hey you."  Julia giggled at him.

"Come on in, Alex'll be out in a…"

Alex's voice interrupted her.  "Alex is already out."

Mort felt his face redden.  _May as well have acne and a cracking voice at the rate I'm going._  "How are you feeling?"

"Much better actually.  Still a little sore, but nothing I can't deal with."

He took a moment to look at Alex.  She looked quite a bit different than she had on Friday.  She was in a black skirt and a sheer red blouse; her dark hair was partially pulled up, away from her face.  His physical attraction to her grew.  Alex was having the same thoughts.  Mort was a bit "disheveled" when she'd met him, but she found it to be cute.  Now that he was standing before her a bit more "groomed", as it were, she found him to be just short of breathtaking.

"Are you ready?" he asked, unsurely.  "I mean, you know, to, uh, go?"

Alex smiled.  "Let me get my coat."

"My coat," Karen chuckled.

Alex pulled Karen's leather coat out of the closet and put it on.  She walked to Karen and kissed the top Julia's head.  "Mommy'll be back later, sweetie.  Be a good girl."

"Like she could be anything else," Karen said.  "Now, quit stalling and get going."

Alex felt her face turn crimson.  She turned to look at Mort, who was fidgeting with his car keys.  "Excuse her, she forgets what it's like to date."

"I'm a bit rusty myself," Mort said shyly.  He and Alex walked out of the house and to his car.  His Nissan was in the shop, the damages being repaired, so for now he was driving a red Cavalier.  He opened the door for her and she sat down, taking a deep breath as she did so.  He got in on the other side and started the car.  "Our plans, um…we really didn't make any."

"Yeah, I was thinking about that earlier."

"I was at a restaurant here a month or so ago and, well, it was good and…"  _God, listen to this!  I've gotta snap out of it or else there's no point in leaving this driveway.  Relax, be Mort Rainey._  "Anyway, it's Italian.  Is that O.K.?"

"Sounds good."

"Alex?"

"Hm?"

"I'm going to be honest with you – I haven't dated since my divorce and I'm nervous as hell.  I'm attracted to you – very attracted – and sitting this close to you and not kissing you is just adding to the tension that's already incredibly evident right now."  Mort took a breath, then continued by saying.  "I haven't left the driveway yet, so feel free to run."     

Alex sat wide-eyed.  "Uh…did I mention that Italian's good?"

"Yeah."  **Scared her off without me.  **_No…_

Alex took notice of the panicked look in Mort's eyes.  _I want to kiss you too…_  "If you want to kiss me so badly, why not just to it and let the tension go?"  

This was certainly not the answer that he'd expected.  "Joke?"

Alex shook her head.  "Kiss me.  I mean, who made up the rule that it has to happen at the end of the date?"

Mort didn't hesitate, if he would have, he wouldn't have been able to do it.  He leaned over his seat and Alex move her face closer to his.  Their lips met and a burst of energy filtered through his body.  He parted Alex's lips with his own and found his hand reaching behind her neck, pulling her closer.  He felt his pulse quicken and he forced himself to pry away from her.

Alex's face was flush and she smiled widely.  "No excuse to be awkward with each other now, huh?"

"I don't think so."

*******

**_Author's Note: _**I apologize if there was too much cheese there, but sometimes that just happens.  No, this will not be a perfect relationship, even if, on the outside, it seems so.  Don't be discouraged ;-) – Keep reading, please.


	9. We'll Take it Slow

Once inside the restaurant, both Mort and Alex were more relaxed.  They had engaged in unforced small talk at first, but soon settled into deeper conversation.

"I guess first dates are really the most, um, informative," Alex said.  "So, I'm going to just, put myself on the table - figuratively…"  She winked.  "…for now."

Mort smiled at her.  "You're something else."

"Bad thing?"

"No.  So, it's only fair that I put myself on the table too."  Mort went so far as to lay his upper body across the table.  (If he can run outside in a towel and shaving cream yelling about how much money he was worth, he could certainly do this.)  

Alex laughed and reached out to tousle his hair.  He looked up at her and she shrugged.  "It's cute when it's messy."

"Really?"  Mort sat up and shook his hair, his brown and blonde locks flying free.  "Feel more like myself now."  Alex's hand was on the table and he reached for it.  He traced a finger along her palm, causing her to shiver.  "I'm suddenly feeling more comfortable than I have in a long time.  What is it about you?"

Alex looked almost embarrassed.  "I could ask the same about you."  She moved her hand so that she could lace her fingers with Mort's.  "Can I ask what happened?"

Mort knew exactly what Alex met.  "Will you accept the short version?"

"Of course."

"To make a long, unhappy story as brief as I can, my wife cheated on me, I stowed myself away in my lakeshore home, someone burned down my, well, her home, I signed divorce papers, left said lakeshore home, and here I am."

Alex bit her lower lip.  "I…I'm sorry.  I know that I hate when people say that to me but…"

"It's all right, Alex, I understand that those words always seems to worm their way out."  His fingers were still entwined with hers when their food came – he didn't want to let go, but he forced himself to.  Mort picked up his fork and stabbed into his salad.  "Divorce isn't pleasant, but it's not like Amy died."  **Of course she died.  I killed her.  **Mort couldn't hear Shooter, but he did bite his tongue.  "I'm sorry, that came out wrong."

"No, I…it's…"  Alex figured the sooner she got things over with, the better.  "My husband, Tristan, was an architect.  There was an accident and he was…crushed."

"Oh…I'm not going to say those words, so how about these: Are you all right?  I mean, with the baby and…"  Mort's voice trailed. 

"My sister and her husband are really supportive, and my kids – the ones at school I mean – somehow, they manage to keep my spirits up.  And just so I'm honest with you right away, I was in therapy for a little while."

The word almost made him flinch.  "Therapy?"

"Everyone, especially myself, was worried about me losing the baby if I let myself get too depressed about Tristan, so I went and…it helped.  I'm not nuts or anything, but I know that sometimes the word 'therapy' can scare a person off."

"Not me."

Alex smiled.  _I've never wanted someone so…_  She shook her thoughts away.  _Am I nuts?  I just met him!_  "That's nice to know.  Even nicer that Julia didn't scare you off."

"I was supposed to have a baby…there was a miscarriage."  _Why did I just say that?_  

"Life hasn't exactly been kind to you, has it?"

"It's certainly getting better."

Alex blushed.  "Can we go?"

"Huh?"

"I want…can we go?"

"Oh, God…what did I do?  I freaked you out…"

"No."  Her breathing changed and she realized that she has slipped her foot out of her shoe and it was running up Mort's leg.  She watched his eyes almost bulge and realized that her foot had wandered into some rather personal territory.  She put her hand to her mouth and got up, her shoe still on the floor.  "I'm sorry."  She ran to the ladies' room.

_Jesus…_  Mort looked down and saw, as well as felt, the effect she had on him.  He picked up her shoe and went after her.  He put his ear to the bathroom door and could hear her pacing – one shoe clicking on the tile floor.  "Alex?" he called through the door.  "Is anyone else in there?"  No answer.  He opened the door and walked inside, not knowing why.

"I'm not like this," she said quickly.  "I just…"  She put her hand to her forehead.  "It's been a really long time since I've been with someone that…just your eyes are enough to…"  She walked closer to him.  "I think I…"

"You know, thinking too much can be dangerous."

Alex eyes closed and she kissed him.  She wrapped her arms around Mort and his followed suit.  She found herself pressing her body as close to his as she could.  Mort responded by turning so that Alex's back rested against the wall.  Their tongues met and Mort's hands began to travel her body.  Alex's leg wrapped around Mort's, her hips pressing into him – she found herself beginning to grind against his arousal. 

**Take her.  Throw her to the ground and get it done.**  While the voice still contained its thick, southern drawl, it had become huskier, more authoritative, and most importantly, audible.  Mort pulled back from Alex, his face suddenly pale.

"Mort?"

His voice was frantic.  "We can't do this.  We shouldn't be doing this." 

Alex's eyes made her look wounded.  "Did…did I do something wrong?"

Mort breathed deep, calming himself.  "No," he said softly.  "Nothing at all, I just…"  He licked his bottom lip, he could taste her and wanted so badly to kiss her again, but fear trumped over all else.  "…we've both been without 'companionship' for so long, Alex.  If we let the physical take over, we could end things before they begin."  _Sounds good – rings true…much better than saying that someone else seems to be occupying my brain at the moment._  

"End things?  You want to see me again?"

_Every night before I close my eyes._  "I do.  I mean, if you want to see me again as well."  Alex nodded.  "O.K., then," Mort smiled.  "We'll slow down, there's no need to rush into anything."  **Being a coward again.  Can't even get a woman into your bed – don't want a woman in your bed.  Sissy.**

"Mort, are you all right?"

"I'm just sorry that I wasn't more of a gentleman."

Alex looked away.  "I wasn't being much of a lady."  

Mort put his hand under Alex's chin, gently turning her face towards his.  He kissed her very gently.  "We'll slow down."

*******

**_Author's Note: _**Too cutesy at some points?  I want Mort to want a normal relationship desperately, not that that can necessarily happen, but…Ugh, anyway, I really hope I'm not pushing the cheese factor here, but trust me when I say it'll get better…please trust me…No, don't run away from the fic!  I can fix it!  Heehee…


	10. I Want

When Mort went home that night, he was angry – the trouble was, he didn't know with who.  _I like her…the last thing I want is to hurt her.  What reason does he have to want to hurt her?_

**_At least he didn't want to kill her._**

****

"Yeah, there's a bright side," Mort said, sounding disgusted.  "He only wanted me to throw her onto the bathroom floor and…"  Mort got up from his bed and walked to the bathroom.  He looked in the mirror and screamed at his reflection.  "You said you'd make him stay away!  You're getting weak again!"  He began to sob.  "If you get weak…"  His voice softened.  "If I get weak…I'll start forgetting things again.  I'll start losing time again…I can't live like that."

**_He's getting stronger._**

****

"Why?"

**_I don't know.  When he came around before, you were upset.  Amy, Ted…_**

****

"I gave them what they wanted.  I signed the papers and haven't heard from either of them since.  It's over, I'm not angry anymore.  In fact, I'm finally on my way to happy."

**_Don't let him in._**

****

"I can't keep him out – you're supposed to."

**_Try._**

****

"How?"

**_I don't have all the answers, you know.  I'm just part of you.  The rational part, not the all knowing part._**

****

"I'm not unhappy," Mort said, scratching his head.  "I'm not stressed about a book."

**_And why's that?_**

****

"I'm not writing a book."

**_Why?_**

****

"I'm not feeling incredibly inspired."

**_Anything familiar about that?_**

****

"What?"

**_The last time he came, you couldn't write.  You can at least remember that much, can't you?_**

****

Mort looked away from his reflection.  "Yeah."

**_Can't keep things bottled up in here – they start to manifest._**

****

"I don't even want to write.  I want…"

**_Yeah?_**

****

"Alex."


	11. You'll Know

Alex awoke the next morning to the sounds of Steven, Karen's husband, coming home.  She stretched.  "Time to go home," she said to herself.  Karen had already taken Julia out of the room.  She chuckled, "I have the best sister."  It was roughly ten A.M. and Alex was far more than appreciative that Karen let her sleep in.  She went straight to the shower, her mind drifting to the previous night.  She wasn't allowed to drift for long though.

"Everything!  Tell me everything!"  Karen had come into the bathroom far giddier than one should be in the morning – no matter how long they've been up.

"Uh, I'm kind of busy in here."

"And you can't go anywhere," Karen laughed.  "Spill it."

"We had a nice time."

"Blah blah blah – was there kissing?"

Alex laughed.  "How old are you, Karen?"

"Humor me – please."

"Yes!" Alex shouted over the water.  "There was kissing, there was body contact – then both of us freaked a little…well, O.K., I think it was more me…"

"And?"

"And he said that we'd take it slow."  Alex turned off the water.  "Hand me a towel?"  Karen passed a towel over the shower door. 

"So do we like him?"

Alex came out of the shower, her towel wrapped around her.  "Well, _I_ like him…a lot."  Alex was smiling widely.  Her face then changed.

"Uh oh," Karen said.  "There's a but."

"Isn't there always?"

"O.K., what tiny detail about him bugs you, hm?"

Alex left the bathroom and returned to her temporary bedroom.  "Nothing."

Karen cocked an eyebrow.  "Uh, what?"

"There's nothing about him – so far – that I don't like."

"Sis, where's the problem?"

"Here," Alex said, looking at her wedding ring.

"Oh, Alex."  Karen sat on the bed, then patted the mattress.  Alex sat next to her.  "Sweetie, it's been a while and you haven't tried to see anyone until now."

"I know.  Why now?  Why him?"

Karen shook her head.  "You can't start thinking like that, Alex.  You can't analyze it, just go with it."

"I just…I can't help but wonder…"

"Don't wonder."

Alex put her head in her hands.  "It's not like I haven't been asked out since Tristan…but I never accepted.  Why Mort?"

"You like the name?" Karen laughed.

"Come on, Karen."

"Sorry," Karen said, composing herself.  "Have you thought that maybe…it's just time?  That you're finally ready?"

"I really don't know if I am.  I mean, the physical aspect…it's been a long time and it's really _really_ enticing, especially with someone that looks like him…"

"He is really…"

Alex shook her finger.  "Bad married woman!" she playfully reprimanded.  She sighed.  "I just got too comfortable with him too fast.  I'm not sure I can do this."

"Alex!"  Karen was practically whining.

"I just think it would be easier if I opened up the newspaper and saw that he was arrested for something and didn't have to think about it."

"Bite your tongue.  He seems like a great guy – don't run away from this.  He even took to Julia."

"How am I going to know if things are…right?"

Karen smiled.  "It _has_ been a long time, hasn't it?"  Alex nodded.  "You'll start to remember.  Trust me, you'll know."

***

**_Author's Note:_** I know these chaps have been short – but I've already written a "big point" to the story and now have to work my way towards it – It's coming soon, I promise!  Thanks for all for the reviews so far!  You guys rock!  Pleas continue to let me know what you think!


	12. You cook?

Once Alex was home, she put Julia down fro her nap and began to pace.  She wished that she had lesson plans to write – or anything that could keep her from doing what she'd been putting off.  Finally, she gave up and went out into the garage.  There was a vacant space were her car used to sit – this space left Tristan's blue Ford Explorer in plain view.  _Guess you're mine now._  

Alex knew it was silly not drive the vehicle, but she just never saw reason to; her car suited her just fine.  Steven made sure to start the Explorer every once and a while and check things over to prevent it from falling into a state of disrepair – he also always insisted that Alex would eventually drive it.

"It's only a car," she said to herself.  "His things aren't even in it anymore."  Tristan's things were gone, but the memories weren't.  Alex's mind drifted off to the simplest things: she remembered grading papers on the front porch and her heart racing when that car pulled into the driveway.   She thought about how Tristan would load up the back and they'd go on weekend getaways just to be alone together.  Quickly, she turned and went back into the kitchen.  

She sat at the table and thought that she was going to cry – to her surprise, she didn't.  "He's gone," she said softly.  "He's not coming back and I think there's someone new for me."  She looked at her wedding ring for the hundredth time that day.  "Care to tell me what to do, Tris?"  She laughed to herself.  "If you ever answered me I'd…"  The phone rang cutting her off.  She walked to the counter and picked up the cordless.  "Hello?"

"Hi, Alex, it's Mort."

Alex smiled.  _Tris, I could really take this as a sign from you, you know._  "Hi," she replied, feeling herself blush.

"I called your sister's house and she said that you were home.  She gave me your number, I hope that's all right."

"Oh, it's fine.  I feel a bit foolish for not giving it to you in the first place."

"Alex?"  Mort sounded a bit shy.

"Yeah?"

"I've been thinking a lot about last night, um, maybe worrying is more the right word."

"I know the feeling," she said softly.

"I just wondered if you were all right with – things."

Alex wasn't sure how to respond.  She wasn't exactly sure how she felt about anything, really.  She knew that she liked Mort and she knew that she had to move on, but she also knew that she was terrified of starting over.  "We just got a bit carried away," she answered unsurely.  "I'm fine.  How about you?"

**_Just tell her the truth._**

****

Mort answered.  "I…I feel like an ass."

"Oh."  That certainly wasn't what Alex expected to hear.  "You really shouldn't, I mean I…"

"Alex, I had a lot of time to think last night and came to the conclusion that I really want to know you."

"I want that too…"

"…And you need to know that I meant what I said about going slow.  I don't want to scare you off."

Alex let herself giggle.  "You're anything but scary."

Shooter's voice sounded miles away.**  Poor girl doesn't know a thing about us.  **It was easy enough for Mort to ignore it this time.

"I want to start over.  Can we do that?"

"Mort, I really don't think it was such a bad start."

"I'd really feel better if you would let me do something."

"I was sort of the aggressor…"

"Please?"  His voice sounded almost childlike.

"Mort, what is it that you want to do?"

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment.  "Let me make you dinner."

"You cook?" Alex asked with a laugh.

Mort's voice brightened.  "I'm full of surprises.  What do you say?  I know that you have to be up early and all…"

"You meant tonight?"

_Shit, too fast…too fast._  "Um…well…"

"I'd like to."  _I would?  After everything I've been thinking about?_

"Really?" Mort asked, smiling to himself.

_Ah, what the hell.  _"Sure."


	13. Writer's block?

Alex hooked Julia's carseat up behind the passenger's front seat.  She then adjusted the review mirror to keep an eye on her.  Alex looked at the slip of paper in her hand that held Mort's address.  "Only a mile or so," she said to herself.  She turned the key and was soon on her way.

She turned onto Mort's street and it was very much like her own.  Neatly manicured lawns, attractive houses, people out and about.  _What else was I expecting?  _She studied the house numbers and came upon Mort's.  The house was a modest split-level home that looked as if it had undergone recent renovations.  She saw Mort standing on the steps that led to the front door.  He waved at her and she smiled.  _This is going to be fine._

Alex got out and opened the back door.  Julia was wide-eyed and alert; she smiled when Mort came into her line of vision.  

"Find it all right?" Mort asked.

"Uh huh.  We don't live very far apart, actually."  There was a sense of awkwardness, but Alex ignored it the best she could and kissed Mort's cheek.  "Thanks for having us."

"I'm glad you decided to come."  He helped Alex by taking the diaper bag off of her shoulder.  "Let me apologize for some of the mess in advance.  I'm almost done, but there are still a few things here and there I need to finish."

"A handyman too?"

"Just the small things," he said with a smile.  "Painting, fixtures, the easy things.  Let me give you 'the tour.'"  Mort led Alex inside and, after helping to take Julia out of her seat, began to show Alex around.  The house was smaller than Alex's, but more than enough for someone living alone.  There was a galley style kitchen at the top of the stairs and a living room attached to a small dining room to the left of them.  

The kitchen was painted a bright white and something was definitely in the midst of cooking.  The living room and dining room were painted light blue and all of the furniture appeared to be brand new.  Not wanting to send any mixed messages, Mort avoided showing Alex the bedroom, but did show her the bathroom, proudly boasting about hanging the mirror and shower door without any help.  

Finally, he took Alex downstairs to his office.  This part of the house couldn't have been more of a contrast to the rest.  The walls consisted of dark wood paneling and the furniture was much older than what the upstairs held.  The center of attention in the room wasn't Mort's desk, but a very old, worn couch.  Mort saw Alex looking at it and smiled.

"It's like a pair of sneakers that you know you should throw out, but they're just too damn comfortable.  That couch and I have been through lots of naps, Doritos, and writer's block together."

Alex returned Mort's smile.  "It's pretty, um, rustic, down here."

"Yeah, reminds me of a home I had.  I wrote a lot there, but now…I just don't have any stories in me."

"Writer's block?"

"No.  No, I don't think so.  I just think I'm a bit burned out, you know?"

"I guess."  Alex heard a timer go off in the kitchen, so did Mort.

"We can talk about it – about anything you want to know – over dinner."  Mort waved a hand, signaling for Alex to follow him back upstairs.  Before leaving the room, Alex took a final glance around the room.  She looked back at the couch and noticed something she hadn't seen before: a black hat.

_Not sure that would be the best look for him._  She chuckled to herself and went upstairs.

***

**_Author's note:_**As I write this, I keep getting more ideas…the story's going to be longer than I intended.  I hope that I don't lose any reader's due to length.  Thanks for reviewing!  Your comments are keeping me going!


	14. Hotel Rainey

"Mort, would it be a problem to get a towel?" Alex asked.

 Mort looked at her a bit strangely.  "Are you a messy eater?"

Alex laughed.  "No, I want to put Julia's seat on the chair and I don't want to scratch the finish."

An image flashed in Mort's mind.  He saw his cabin – the word "SHOOTER" scratched into every wooden surface that existed.  He closed his eyes and forced it away.  "A…a few scratches won't hurt anything."

"Well, it'll bother me if I do it," Alex said sweetly.  "I can get one if…"

"No, you're my guest.  I'll be right back."  Mort left rather quickly, disappearing from Alex's sight.  _What was I seeing?_  

**My work.  I'm coming back, Mr. Rainey.  And the pretty girl at your table knows it.**

"Out," Mort whispered.  "Out, out, out.  She doesn't know anything about you.  I don't know how you're in my head, but you're not here."

**You seem to have my hat again, Mr. Rainey.**

"No, I burnt it."

**Are you sure about that?**

"Yes!"

"Mort?" Alex's voice floated from the dining room.

"Uh, yeah?"

"You O.K.?"

He forced a laugh.  "Uh huh.  I just got a bit too excited about having clean towels.  I, um, well, I thought I was going to have to do laundry tonight, but I don't."

"That can be…a nice feeling," Alex said, not fully believing him.

Mort returned to the dining room, towel in hand.  "Downy fresh," he laughed.  Immediately, Alex was relaxed again.  Mort helped to get Julia settled, then began to bring food in from the kitchen.

"Let me help," Alex insisted, when he returned with a covered bowl.

Mort kissed the top of Alex's head affectionately.  "You are to do nothing but relax."  He went back into the kitchen and Alex blushed.  He came back with another covered dish and two serving spoons.  "It's been a long time since I cooked for anyone besides myself."

"Well, it smells yummy."  _Oh, God, I said yummy!_  Alex lowered her eyes.  "Can we pretend I didn't say that?"

Mort smiled.  "You've been feeding a baby for nine months, I'm sure it's the vocabulary that you're used to using."

"Yeah, but…"  Alex shook her head.  "Between Julia and twenty three first graders, I sometimes forget how to talk to adults."

Mort winked.  "Well, if it bothers you that much, it's forgotten."  He uncovered the bowls on the table and looked at Alex a bit unsurely.  "So, this is my famous chicken stir fry."

"Famous, hm?"

"Oh, yeah," Mort laughed.  "I've yet to ruin it, unlike so many disastrous Rainey creations that have filled the kitchen with…unpleasant aromas."  Mort uncovered the second bowl, which was filled with rice.  "Believe it or not, I have been known to ruin Minute Rice – I think I got lucky with it today."  Alex laughed and Mort began to dish out the dinner.  "Not the most gourmet meal, but…"

"It's fine – and I'm sure it's going to be wonderful.  You know, you don't have to worry about impressing me."

"Oh no?" He asked, an eyebrow raised.  He looked thoughtful for a moment.  "Have women changed drastically in the last couple of years?"  He smiled.  "Or am I just a lost cause and this is a pity dinner?"

Alex shook her head.  "Neither."  She locked her eyes with his.  She sighed.  "I'm going to regret admitting this, but at this point you could feed me burnt rubber and it wouldn't make much of a difference."

Mort wrinkled his nose, causing his glasses to slide down ever so slightly.  "Um…"  He waved his hand as if trying to pull a reply from the air.  "I'm not quite sure how to take that."

"It's a good thing," she smiled.

"Ah, well," he laughed.  "Yay for me then."  Alex looked surprised by his word choice.  "Never said there wasn't a bit of a kid left in me.  We've been out of touch for a while, but he's still there."

**_See how comfortable you are?  This is going better than either of us could have hoped.  I know Shooter came around, but your confidence with her is making him weaker._**

****

_R…really?_

**_You're doing fine – keep it up._**

The two began to eat – Alex fed Julia at the same time, alternating a bite of Mort's for her, and a bite the food she brought with her for her daughter.  Mort couldn't help but let the scene burn into his mind.  Amazingly to him, he didn't wonder what his child could have been like – instead he wondered if he'd ever have the chance, in his new life, to have a child.  The past mistakes didn't matter anymore, that child wasn't meant to be.  _Could I be a father?_

**_Suddenly, everything seems much more possible than before._**  Mort smiled.  **_Glad you're seeing the light._**

****

_You've changed your tune about my life quite a bit, haven't you?_

**_Only since you met her._**

****

Mort snapped himself out of his inner dialogue.  "She's a good little eater."

Alex laughed.  "After several bouts of being covered in her food, she realized that eating it was far better than wearing it and having to have a bath."  After taking another bite of her own meal, she said, "By the way, your meal's a hit."   

Mort swallowed what he was chewing.  "Oh yeah?"  Alex nodded.  "Glad you think so, because I was thinking of introducing a frequent diner's incentive program – to be used at the diner's leisure, of course."

"Will you deliver?" Alex asked, giggling.

"Hm…possibility.  For the right client, that is."  

After all the tension that both of them had struggled with about the previous night, neither Mort nor Alex could believe how at ease they were.  Both were soon full and Mort insisted that the dishes would wait until after she left.  Alex attempted to protest, but Mort won out in the end.  They went into the living room; Alex changed Julia, then Mort found himself asking if he could hold her.

Alex smiled.  "Sure."  She handed her now sleepy daughter to Mort, whose eyes brightened.  "She's tired, so don't be surprised if she gets a bit cranky with you."

Mort looked down into Julia's eyes, they did look a bit groggy, but not cranky.  "Is she getting close to walking?"

"She's still trying to master standing, but it's coming along.  Her doctor says every baby's different."  Mort seemed satisfied with the answer and went back to studying Julia.  He bent his head down a little closer to him and she reached for his glasses, pulling them roughly from his face.

"Oo, sorry, she's grabby."

Mort laughed.  "No problem."  He smiled at Julia.  "You're just curious, aren't you?"

"You're brave," Alex said, resting her chin on her hand.  "Usually her uncle puts her down after that."

"Well, she can't help it," Mort said softly.  He watched as her eyes began to close.  "Anyway, I think the triumph of stealing my glasses was a big enough victory to tire her out completely."  He looked back up at Alex.  "Should you be going?" 

"Only if you want me to."

"Well, um, is it her bedtime?"

"She's a good sleeper – she can conk out anywhere.  Could we put her in your room for a while?"

"On the bed?  You can do that?"

Alex laughed.  "Yeah, you can do that."

"And you'll stay a while?"

"Mm hm."

Mort gently stood up, Julia still asleep in his arms.  "Welcome to Hotel Rainey," he chuckled.

***

**_Author's Note:_**  Well, would you look at that – a chapter that's not wimpishly short!  Heehee…  O.K., put aside the fact that Mort had a bout of murdering and picture him with a baby – Awww!  If it was too cheesy for your liking, I apologize (but I think everyone can appreciate some cheesy goodness now and then).


	15. That's Never Real

Mort felt a bit embarrassed about the state of his bedroom, but opened the door anyway.  "Remember the mess I warned you about?"

            Alex smiled.  "Don't worry about it."

            Mort's bedroom was, indeed, quite disheveled, but it wasn't as if it were filthy.  An unmade queen sized bed was pushed up against the wall on left side of the room.  There were several pillows of different sizes scattered about it.  The sheets were a plaid, flannel material and the comforter was a deep, forest green.  Mort tried to shove some clothes out of sight with his foot, but failed.

            "Believe me, it's fine, Mort."  Alex began to straighten out the covers and found a tattered, striped bathrobe between the sheets.  "Comfy?" she asked.

            Mort's face reddened.  "I'm really not a, um, unkempt person," he said nervously.

            "I have a few security blankets of my own," Alex confessed.  Mort was glad that she understood.  He watched as Alex arranged the pillows to form a makeshift crib.  "You can put her down."

            Carefully, Mort placed Julia on her back – she never so much as stirred.  "Out cold?"

            "Oh yeah.  She's out for the night."  Alex pulled a pink blanket out of the diaper bag and covered her daughter.  "We'll hear her if she wakes up."  They left the room. 

            Alex sat on the couch and Mort placed himself on the other end.  "I'm really glad that you came," he said nervously.

            "You already said that," Alex said, once again blushing.

            "Well, I really mean it.  I don't have many people over."

            "Why not?"

            "I'm used to being by myself, I guess."

            Alex looked slightly pitying.  "It has to get lonely."

            Mort settled himself into the couch a bit more before answering her.  "It does…at times.  I used to have a dog for company, but he ran off some time ago.  I guess I never really was all that social – seems stereotypical doesn't it?"

            Not wanting to jump to conclusions, Alex said, "What do you mean?"

            "It just seems that writer's have to be loners.  I mean, it's assumed that so much is going on inside their head that…"  His voice trailed.

            "Well, one's mind certainly isn't enough company.  It's fine for a child to have an imaginary friend and all, but 'grown ups' need a bit more, um, sustenance."  

            Mort smiled.  "Your adult vocabulary has returned."

            "Yeah, that tends to happen after Julia's asleep."  She looked down into her lap for a moment, her voice becoming softer.  "Mort?"

            "Hm?"

            "You said you haven't been writing lately, right?"  He nodded.  "How long is lately?"

            He thought for a moment.  "Well…the last story I had published was an updated version of 'Secret Window' – that was almost two years ago."

            "And you've written nothing since?"  Alex found that rather hard to believe.

            "Nothing that I've been satisfied with.  I tried a few times, but then I decided to move, to give myself a break.  To be honest, I haven't opened my laptop since I moved in here."

            "Nothing sparking your mind?"

            Mort laughed.  "Every time I look at something my mind sparks some line or another, Alex.  I just need to live outside my mind for a while.  Adjusting to that wasn't going very well for a while."

            "No?"

            He shook his head and smiled at her.  "I'm getting used to it now though.  I've missed the world outside of deadlines and solitude, publishers and fiction.  What good is it to write about a beautiful woman if you can't see one in front of you?  If you can't smell her perfume or hear her laugh?"

            Alex felt her face grow terribly warm.  _Something he's written before…or a compliment?  Hell, does it really matter?_  "And how's that 'world outside your mind' going now?"

            "Much better than I thought it would."  He moved a bit closer to Alex.  "I never realized how much I missed having a conversation with someone."

            Alex furrowed her eyebrows.  "You can't tell me that you haven't talked with anyone in so long."

            "No, I'm not a total hermit," he said, taking Alex's hand.  "Meaningless conversations come and go – even with myself – but to just sit with someone and talk about more than the weather or…"  Gently, he lifted her hand to his lips, kissed it, and then lowered it.  "…it's nice."

            **_Impressive…_**

            Alex found herself moving so that she was right next to Mort.  "If I told you that I felt like I was in high school again, would you laugh?"

            "No.  I understand what you're feeling.  I still mean it though, we won't rush into anything."

            Alex sighed.  "Good.  Wait, I mean…I didn't mean for…"

            "Shh.  You don't need to get nervous again."

            Alex pulled slightly away from Mort.  "Nervous?"

            "Your voice shakes."

            "It does?"

            Mort smiled.  "Just a little – I bet nobody else ever notices.  Details just happen to be something that I tend to pick up on."

            "I guess that's because of your job?" she asked, feeling more relaxed again.

            "Yeah.  A story without details is…well, it won't get you published."

            "Speaking of which, why did you republish 'Secret Window?'"

            There wasn't a single moment of hesitation.  "The ending just never seemed right to me.  If the ending isn't perfect, it takes away from the rest of the story."

            _Tris, you know that I love you…this just feels right.  At least I think it does…_  Alex brushed her hand over Mort's cheek, then leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his lips.  He responded, kissing her back, equally as soft.  "I know that you usually write in the genre that rarely has a happy ending but…"

            "That's never real," Mort whispered.  "This is."  Their lips met again and Mort pulled Alex as close to him as he could get her.  Their kisses weren't wanton as they were the night before – this time they were gentle, but lingering, and most importantly, comforting to each of them.

            When the time came for Alex to go, neither of them felt any of the awkwardness of the night before.  Each of them was still scared, still uncertain, but now those feelings were accepted rather than feared.  Each of them felt that their lives were going to change…in one way or another.


	16. Alex Isn't Amy

Mort and Alex continued seeing each other over the next couple of months.  Both were happy, but Mort had a little something extra to be thankful for: Shooter was gone.  Mort's mind had been empty of that awful southern voice ever since that moment looking for a towel in his closet.

During this time, the couple had grown extremely close.  Mort had come into Alex's classroom on a couple of occasions to read to her students (age appropriate tales, of course) and Alex helped him with the last of the work on his house.  They had spent several nights together, but hadn't consummated the relationship – neither was ready to.

Despite how happy she was, Alex couldn't shake her fears of the possibility of things not working out.  Rare as it is in today's society, Alex had only made love to one man, her husband.  The want and desire to sleep with Mort was present in full, but it felt like such a huge leap to her.  Karen insisted that it wasn't, but she had her share of relationships before settling down with Steven.  Alex had been with Tristan since college and even then, it took a year of dating him before she finally felt ready to sleep with him.

Mort had a few sexual relationships before Amy, but once he married her, he realized just how "sacred" sharing yourself with someone truly is.  After catching Amy and Ted together in that motel, that point was driven home even further.  He was having the same inner struggle that Alex was.  His arousal when he was with her at night was highly evident, and it's not as though they had been purely innocent with one another, but every time that they came close…Mort remembered the anguish that he felt on that rainy day.

_What happens if things don't work out?_

**_What happens if they do?_**

****

_What if we sleep together and that ends things?_

**_Why would it end things?  You love her and she obviously loves you._**

****

_There must be something wrong with my…performances._

**_There is nothing wrong with that part of you._**

****

_So why did Amy go somewhere else for that particular…_

**_Alex isn't Amy.  She never was, she never will be.  She's scared, you're scared…you're two responsible adults, do something about it._**

****

_Rather adamant about this, aren't you?_

**_It's been a long time for both of you._**

****

_What if she doesn't want to do "that" outside of marriage?_

**_Has she said that?_**

****

_Well…no, but…_

**_What has she said, hm?_**

****

_She waited a year to do "that" after she met Tristan.  She said that when the time was right, she felt it.   She knew._

**_And how do you feel at the moment?  Are your fears still outweighing everything else?_**

****

_You know as well as I do._

**_Yes, but you're the one who needs to admit things – not me._**

****

_I suppose that, when both of us are ready, we'll know._

**_Was that so hard?_**

****

_Not as tough as I thought it would be._

**_O.K., then, I'm glad that's settled.  Now, get some sleep.  Julia's birthday party tomorrow isn't going to be a time for relaxation – you're going to be meeting quite a few people._**

****

_Oh God…Tristan's parents…_

**_They have no reason not to like you.  Relax.  Sleep._**

****


	17. I Love Him

Alex's driveway was already full when Mort arrived at her home for Julia's party, so he parked on the street.  He pulled down the visor in front of him and looked at his reflection.  He'd done his best to tame his usually unruly locks, despite the fact that Alex liked his disheveled look.  He felt that he had to impress Tristan's parents the best that he could – after all, he had been spending a significant amount of time with their granddaughter.

Mort looked to his right and smiled.  In the passenger's seat was a large, white teddy bear.  It was almost twice the size of Julia herself, but when he saw it, he couldn't resist.  _I'm such a sucker for that little girl._

**_Not to mention her mother.  What are you waiting for?  Go in.  You're going to be fine._**

Mort took a deep breath and got out of the car, then walked to the other side to get the bear.  _I just have to be myself._  He made it to the front door and rang the bell.  Usually, he couldn't wait for the white door to open, but today…he wished it would have stayed shut just a moment longer.  It opened.

An older gentleman stood before Mort and he knew right away that this was Tristan's father.  Alex had, of course, shown Mort pictures of her late husband – he looked very much like his father.  

"Hello," he said with a smile.  "By the looks of that bear, I'd say you were here for a certain party."  The man had a very faint, but still noticeable southern accent.

**_You're fine.  Relax._**

****

"Yes, sir," Mort replied, smiling the best he could at the moment.  "I'm a…"  _Boyfriend?  No, maybe not the best thing to start out with._  "…a friend of Alex's."

"Well, come on in, son," the man said, his blue eyes sparkling.  "I'm Ed Liedy, Alex's father-in-law."

Mort set the bear down for a moment and reached to shake Ed's hand.  "Morton Rainey," he said politely.

"Morton Rainey?  The _author_, Morton Rainey?"

"Yes, sir, that's me."

Ed's smile grew wider.  "Well, how d'ya like that?  A celebrity at my granddaughter's birthday party."

Mort shrugged.  "Hardly a celebrity, sir."

"Callin' me sir makes me think you're a waiter or somethin' – please, call me Ed."

"Will do."  

"Mort!"  He breathed a small sigh of relief as Alex approached him.  She hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek.  He blushed a bit, seeing as Ed was still standing there.  After Alex released him, she said, "I see you've met Ed."  He nodded.

"Alex, you didn't tell us that you knew someone famous," Ed said, chuckling.

"I guess I just tend to think of him as plain old Mort," she laughed.  She looked at Mort and smiled.  "Is that O.K.?"

"I like it better that way," he said, smiling back at her.  "Where's the birthday girl?  I have a little something for her."

Alex looked down.  "A little something?  Mort, that's bigger than she is."  Mort winked and went off in search of Julia, the oversized teddy bear in his arms.  After he'd gone, Alex looked at Ed.  "What do you think?"

"Certainly is a modest fella," Ed answered.

"Yeah, he never wrote for the money or anything, just for the sake of doing it."

"He said he's a 'friend' of yours, Alex."  He winked.  "I suspect he might be more than that?"

Alex blushed and looked at her feet for a moment.  "We've been seeing each other for almost three months."

Ed put his hand under Alex's chin.  "I hope you don't feel badly about that, darlin'." 

"I…I don't."

"Good."  Ed pulled her into a hug.  "You shouldn't be alone, darlin', nobody should."  After a moment, they both went back to the party.  

There were several children of different ages, sons and daughters of Alex's friends.  There were also a few children around Julia's age trying to toddle about in the busy house.  When Alex found Mort, he was on the floor with Julia.  She was laughing as she tried to get her arms around her gift.  Mort had a smile on his face that caused Alex's heart to melt.  She felt herself begin to cry.

Karen appeared by Alex's side.  "Hey, are you O.K.?"

Alex nodded, biting her lower lip.  "Look at him, Karen, he's so good with her."

"As he's been for the past couple of months – though today he looks especially fatherly."

"Fatherly?  Who said anything about fatherly?"

Karen turned her sister to face her.  "You see it too, otherwise you wouldn't be crying."

"I love him," Alex blurted.

"Yeah?" Karen said, sounding a bit unsure.

"Yeah.  That's the first time I've said that out loud." 

Karen smiled widely.  "That's a good thing, right?"

"It scares the hell out of me, but…yeah, it's a good thing."

"Are you going to let him in on it?"

"You mean I have to say it to his face?" Alex asked, her voice shaking.

"That's the way these things work, hon.  I hope you're not worried about him feeling differently about you.  He'd hardly be down there on the floor if that were the case."

Alex turned back to Mort and Julia.  Julia found her way onto Mort's lap, but still had one hand attached to the bear.  "Tonight," she said softly.  "I'll tell him after everyone goes."

"I'm happy for you, Alex."  Karen winked.  "Don't worry about playing hostess, I'll cover for you."

"Thanks."  Alex joined Mort and Julia on the floor.  They looked like a family and everyone in that house shared the opinion.

Mort met Sarah, Tristan's mother, and, Mort being more relaxed, the two hit it off.  The afternoon was a blur of conversation, food, and laughter.  As much as Alex hated to see it end, she wanted to be alone with Mort more.

Steven, Karen, and Mort cleaned up while Alex walked Ed and Sarah out to their car.  Alex wished that they lived closer, but their home was two hours away from their granddaughter.  They had a bit of a ride ahead of them and Alex wanted to make sure they were on their way while there was still some daylight.

"I'm so glad the two of you came," Alex said, hugging Sarah.

"Wouldn't have missed it, sweetheart," Sarah replied.  "You've found someone pretty special, haven't you?"

Alex's voice was soft.  "I think so."

"Tristan would've liked him," Sarah said surely.  "Who knows, maybe that's why you found him."

Alex smiled.  "Maybe.  Be safe, all right?"

"We will, darlin'," Ed said, hugging Alex.  "You have yourself a good night and we'll talk to you soon."

"Julia and I love you both."

"We love you too, sweetie," Sarah answered.  "Go in inside, it's getting cold out here."

"All right," Alex said sweetly.  "Buh bye."

"Bye, darlin'."  

Alex turned and went back inside.  The house was almost back to its original state.  "Thank you so much, guys," she said to Karen and Steven.

"No problem, Alex," Steven said.  "Just remember us when we have one of these at our place."

"Well, as soon as you give me a niece or nephew, I will," Alex joked.  "Where'd my birthday girl go?"

"Wait 'till you see," Karen said, smiling.  She walked Alex into the living room and nodded her head toward the floor.  Julia was curled up on the giant bear, fast asleep.  Mort was next to her, gently rubbing her back.  "And if you don't tell him," Karen whispered, "I will."


	18. I Think You Know Now

Karen and Steven left Alex's home, which left the couple alone together.  Alex didn't want to just blurt out what she was feeling, there had to be a more subtle way to go about it.

"I should get Julia up to bed," Alex said, her heart began to beat a little faster.

Very carefully, Mort picked up Julia and handed her to Alex.  "I'll bring _him_ up," he said, motioning to the bear.  The two went upstairs to Julia's bedroom and Alex began to take off the frilly pink dress Julia had been put in for the day.  Mort placed the bear next to Julia's crib, then leaned against the doorway.  "Won't you wake her?"

Alex smiled.  "She's down for the night – she had herself a very busy day."  She changed Julia's diaper and dressed her in her pajamas.  Before she placed her daughter in her crib for the night, Mort walked over and placed a gentle kiss on the top of Julia's head.  _Now?  Is now the right time to just…say it?_  Alex repeated the action and put her daughter in her crib.  She covered her, then turned to Mort.  "I need to talk to you."  She took Mort's hand and led him out of Julia's room.  Alex took Mort to her bedroom and began to pace, nervously.  

"Is everything all right?" Mort asked.

"I hope so," Alex answered, her voice soft.  "Could you stay?  For the night, I mean?"

Her request being nothing new, Mort smiled.  "Sure."  He walked to her, putting his hands on her shoulders.  "Are you going to tell me what's on your mind?"

She looked into the russet eyes before her.  _Those eyes…_  Her hands found their way into his hair and she kissed him, her heart now racing.  She couldn't let go of his lips, but did, eventually, force herself away.  Her voice no more than a faint whisper, she said, "I love you."  _So much for not blurting…_

**_Did you hear that?_**

****

_Of course I heard that._

**_You're being quiet.  Say something before she thinks she made a mistake._**

****

"I love you, too."  Mort's voice was equally soft.  "You and Julia are very important to me."

Alex smiled, tears shining in her eyes.  "You scared?"

Trying to lighten the mood, Mort smiled and said, "Shitless."

Alex laughed, then hugged him.  "Me too."  She felt so incredibly safe and comfortable in his arms that she didn't want to move from where she was.  Her head resting on his shoulder, she said, "I'm going to jump in the shower, make yourself at home."  She kissed him one final time, then went into the adjoined bathroom.

Mort walked to the bed and sat down.  He took off his shoes and focused on what had just happened.  _She loves me.  She loves me and he's gone and…I have a life again._

**_Feels good, doesn't it?_**

****

"Feels wonderful," he said to himself.  Mort looked around the room.  He'd been in it many times before, but now it looked…different to him.  The room was painted a soft grey, which was strangely comforting to him.  He chuckled a bit, taking in how, unlike in his bedroom, everything matched.  The furniture was made of light birch wood and all of the hardware was silver.  The comforter was a rich blue and quite possibly the softest material Mort had ever felt.  He looked at the far wall of the room and realized that even Alex's stereo matched the décor – it was blue and silver in color.  "Actually, music doesn't sound like such a bad idea."  The remote control was on the nightstand closest to him and he picked it up.

He turned the stereo on and hit the button labeled "CD."  Within a few seconds, a strangely soothing beat had begun to bathe the room.  "Surround sound and everything," he laughed.  He reclined on the bed and listened, letting his mind drift to thoughts of what could transpire in his life.  A few songs played before he heard the water in the bathroom stop.  He heard the hairdryer and smiled.  _I love her._

Alex emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later.  "Bored?" she asked.

Mort sat up, "Not at all.  Feel better?"

"Yeah…would you believe I had icing in my hair?  I wonder how that happened?  Oh, I remember, somebody thought it would be funny to let Julia stick her hands in the cake."

Mort looked around innocently.  "Who would have done something like that?"

Alex sat on the edge of her bed, clad only in her robe.  "Well, there was this guy that I invited to the party.  Kinda quiet, sweet smile, this crazy hair that I can never seem to keep my hands way from…Anyway, he got this loopy idea to take her hands and…"  Mort was looking at her a bit differently.  "What?" she laughed.

"You."

"Me?"

Mort nodded.  "You're incredible."  Alex blushed and moved closer to him.  Mort pushed her hair way from her face and looked into her eyes.  He wanted to say something – something that would sum up everything she'd done for his life – but the author was without his words.  As if on cue, a new song began to flow from the speakers.

_To the soul's desires  
The body listens  
What the flesh requires  
Keeps the heart imprisoned  
  
What the spirit seeks  
The mind will follow  
When the body speaks  
All else is hollow  
  
I'm just an angel  
Driving blindly  
Through this world  
  
I'm just a slave here  
At the mercy  
Of a girl_

Mort's lips met Alex's and the kiss, while familiar, felt new, almost electric.  

**_I think you know now…_**

***

**_Author's Note:_**  O.K., here's the deal, guys: I don't want to change the rating of this story because the "R" rated fics don't come up automatically, so here's what I'm going to do. If you want to see what happens next, head over to - adultfan.nexcess.net - The chapter **_has_** been uploaded. Mine is the only "Secret Window" fic there. 

If you have no interest in the Mort/Alex "love scene" (as I'll refer to it), "the morning after" chapter will be the next one in the story. 

If you don't read the "love scene" don't worry, it won't take too much away from the story. If you _do_ read it – please _please_ review it. Thanks! Oh, and for those of you who think Alex should meet Shooter – remember, this story is far from over…

Oh, I totally don't own the song that's "playing." It's called "When the Body Speaks" and it is on the Depeche Mode album, "Exciter."


	19. Just Don't Change

Alex woke up alone the next morning.  Her heart sank and she felt panic spread through her body.  _Why would he leave?  You don't hang around for three months and then leave after one night…do you?_  She got up and put on her robe.  Whether her heart was broken or not, she needed to check on Julia.  When she entered her daughter's room, she found an empty crib.  Only then did she register a smell floating up the stairs.  She hurried to the kitchen and found both Mort and Julia.

"Morning," Mort said, a huge grin on his face.

Alex breathed and all too noticeable sigh of relief.  "Morning."

Mort walked to her and wrapped his arms around her waist.  "You didn't think I left, did you?"

"No?"

"I'd never do that to you," he said, kissing her.

Alex quickly pulled away.  "I have morning breath…"  Before Mort could say anything, Alex rushed from the kitchen.  She returned a couple of minutes later.

Mort smiled.  "So, you brushed your teeth, but I have a feeling you're not wearing anything under there."

She looked down at her robe and blushed.  "Whoops."  She looked at the stove; breakfast was cooking.  "Cooking so early?"

"Ah, breakfast is a meal that I've yet to ruin in any way, shape or form.  I promise that I took care of Julia before I started."

"You…you did?"

Mort smiled.  "Changed her, fed her…entertained her with some off key singing."  Alex started to cry, unable to hold herself back.  "Oh no, you heard my singing?"

Alex laughed through a sob.  "No…no, but I better get to."

"Let's see, nothing's burning, you didn't hear me singing…so why are there so many tears coming from those eyes, hm?"  He brushed her tears away.

"I might decide to keep you here."

"And the thought drove you to tears?" he asked, giving her the most irresistible puppy dog look.

"Mort Rainey, you are the most amazing man…You treat my daughter like she's…You treat me like I'm…"  She put her head against his chest and cried.

"I've caused you to lose all ability to complete sentences," he joked.  He guided Alex to a chair and had her sit down.  He knelt down and cupped her chin in his hand.  "You and Julia have changed my life, Alex…and I'm not sure you'll ever know just how much."  Alex calmed down the best she could.  "You all right?"

"Just don't change, O.K.?"

"I won't."


	20. I Just Need Time

A month passed and things between Mort and Alex were fantastic.  Mort had started to watch Julia a day or two a week while Alex worked.  He had even bought a crib that was able to convert to a bed once Julia got a little older to keep at his house.  Sure, he was being optimistic about his and Alex's relationship – he had no reason not to be…for a while.

Things seemed fine when Alex had invited Mort over for dinner.  He arrived with a smile on his face and assumed that he would get to spend the night holding the new love in his life.  Alex, however, had called him over for slightly different reasons.

"Mort," she said softly, as they began to eat.  "You've been truly wonderful to both Julia and I over the past several months…"  Mort's eyes grew wide.  "Mort?"

"I'm sensing the always unwelcome 'but.'"

Alex lowered her head.  "It's not that I don't want to see you anymore and it's not that I don't love you…You're going to think this is crazy, but I had this dream and it really made me think about things and…"

"I'd never think you were crazy," he muttered, cracking his jaw.  Alex had never seen him do this before and she found it a bit odd. 

"Mort, I just…I need some time."

"Time?" he asked softly.

"I swear, Mort, it's just so I can…"  She sighed and Mort noticed her lower lip trembling – she was doing her very best not to cry.  "It's not like there's anyone else or anything…I just need…we've been getting so serious about each other and I'm just feeling overwhelmed."

"Oh."

"Not a bad…I'm…I wish I could explain this better."

"It's O.K.," Mort said.  "If you need time, I'll give it to you."  He looked down for a moment.  "Did I do something wrong?"

"No," Alex said, getting up from her chair.  She circled to his side of the table and put her hand on his cheek.  "I don't want to hurt you, I swear it.  I'm just…I'm freaking myself out a little bit and I just need time to sort through everything.  Does that make sense?"

Mort forced a smile, despite the fact that his heart was shattering.  "It does.  You've been through a lot…"

"But so have you."

"You have a daughter to worry about too – I just have me."  _God…I don't want to loose you…I can't loose you…_

**_Give her what she needs – she's already made it clear that she still loves you._**

****

_She keeps him away from me…she makes me happy…._

**_It's going to be all right._**

****

Alex let tears fall from her eyes.  "Mort, I love you – I wouldn't say it is I didn't mean it."

"I know, Alex.  I love…I love you, too."

"I'll call you in a few days, O.K.?"

"Yeah…O.K."  Mort got up and walked to Julia's highchair.  In a very low voice he whispered, "I love you too, sweetheart."  Julia pulled at his glasses one last time and he smiled at her.  He made his way to the front door, Alex following him.  "If there _was_ someone else…"

Almost sobbing, Alex hugged the now vulnerable man in front of her.  "I would never ever do that to you."  She kissed his cheek.  "Do you hate me for this?"

Mort gently pushed Alex back; she saw the tears forming in his eyes.  "Not in the slightest...but please believe me when I tell you that my heart isn't mine anymore."

"Neither is mine."  _That's what scares me.  _"I'll call you, I promise."

"I believe you."  He kissed her, then opened the door.  "Goodbye, Alex."

"Bye…"  She broke down as she closed the door.


	21. You did what?

"You did what?"  Karen paced Alex's living room.  Alex had called her shortly after Mort left, begging her tom come over.  "Are you insane?"

"I got scared, Karen," Alex replied, her eyes red and raw from crying.

"He's perfect."

"I know that…God, I know that."

"So what's the problem?"

Alex put her head in her hands.  "I'm not so sure I should tell you."

Karen sat down and rubbed Alex's back.  "Something got to you, Alex.  You can tell me what it is."

"A dream," Alex said, feeling embarrassed.

"A dream?  You broke up with Mort over a dream?"

"I didn't break up with him!"

"He probably thinks that's what's going to happen…"  Karen sighed.  "What was it about?"

"I lost him."

"Mort?"

Alex nodded.  "We were happy and we were living together – here – and I found him…he was dead in his office."

Karen's demeanor softened.  "Oh, sweetie…"  She put her arms around her sister.  "It's not going to happen again."

"It was too real, Karen.  I can't…"  She started to sob again.  "I can't go through something like that again."

"I know that you went through hell, Alex, but the odds of losing someone else…"

"…Are enough."

"Are you going to spend the rest of your life alone?  That's not going to be good for you _or_ Julia."

"It was just so real…"

"It was only a dream.  Look, take a couple of days, calm your nerves, and get him back here.  You can't let him go, Alex, he's exactly what you and Julia need."

"A few days will be O.K.?"

"At this point, I think you need it.  You go get ready for bed.  I'll put Julia down for the night, O.K."  

Alex nodded, her entire body feeling numb.  "Thank you," she said, her voice now hoarse.  

Karen checked on Alex one more time before leaving for the night.  She understood her sister's fears, but she couldn't imagine a dream being enough to send someone that Alex obviously loved so much away from her.  Of course, Karen wasn't privy to the dream herself… 


	22. The Dream

            "Mort, I'm home!" Alex called happily.  "I got everything done while I was at school today, so I am completely yours for the weekend."  Alex put her things down on the kitchen table and expected to see Mort leaning against the doorway - his hair the unkempt mess she loved and his face adorned with a sweet smile.  However, when she looked up, he wasn't there.

            _He's probably working.  _Alex walked through the kitchen, then the living room, but before she could go through the partially opened door to Mort's office, she heard Julia crying upstairs.  _Something's not right.  _She rushed upstairs to her daughter's room and found Julia - her face red from crying for a long period of time.  She frantically reached her arms out for her mother.

            Returning downstairs, Alex very cautiously pushed open the door to Mort's office.  Upon her first glance, it appeared empty.  She took a step inside and saw that Mort's laptop was on the floor - the screen was shattered.  Before doing anything else, she went back to the living room and put Julia in her playpen.

            "Mommy will be right back, angel," she said softly.  Alex went back into the office, the laptop startling her, even though she already knew it was there.  There was a large wooden desk in the center of the room - it blocked a good portion of the floor from view.  A harsh wave of nausea hit her as she stepped closer to the desk.  "Mort?" her voice was almost inaudible.  

            Alex saw the blood before she made her way around the desk.  _Let me be wrong…please…_  She leaned over the desk and screamed.  Mort was in a twisted heap on the floor, blood pooled around his head…

            Alex jolted awake in bed, sweat pouring from her forehead.  She struggled to catch her breath and immediately began to sob.  The dream had been plaguing her for two weeks…


	23. Shooter Returns

Mort tossed and turned in his bed, his thoughts refusing to rest.  He missed Alex terribly.  Ever since their second date, he'd been calm, relaxed, happy – and most importantly – he was the only one occupying his brain.  However, since Alex had asked if they could take a bit of a break from each other, he'd been somewhat paranoid.

Coming to the conclusion that he was not going to be blessed with sleep, Mort went downstairs to his office.  He opened the door and felt confused.  He couldn't remember putting his laptop on his desk, let alone leaving opening it and turning it on.  The screen was casting a glow in the room that made things feel eerie.

Mort found himself inching towards his desk – his pulse quickening.  He looked at the screen and rubbed his eyes, but the words didn't go away.  He began to read:

_Another woman had stolen Todd's heart.  She was everything that his wife wasn't…at least she thought she was.  Unfortunately, fate had decided that Todd was to relive his painful past._

"Who wrote this?" Mort asked aloud.

"I did."  Mort jumped back – John Shooter stood in the doorway of his office, the brim of his hat pulled down rather low.

"Get out," Mort said harshly.

"I'm not leavin', Mr. Rainey."  Shooter lifted the brim of his hat.  "I gave you a start, now finish it."

Mort once again looked at the computer screen, then back at Shooter.  "No."  He quickly highlighted what Shooter had written, then struck the delete key.

"Now, you know full well that you shouldn' have done that, Mr. Rainey."

Feeling slightly more confidant, Mort replied, "Well, I did."

"You know why she doesn' wanna see you – she's doin' the same thing the missus did."

Shooter's words killed Mort's newfound confidence.  "N-no, she's not.  Her husband died, she's scared…that's all."

"You don' sound so sure, Mr. Rainey," Shooter said, cocking his head slightly.  "She won' sleep with you again, will she?"  Mort didn't answer.  "She doesn' want you, Mr. Rainey; she's rejectin' you just like the missus…and you know what I did to her."

Mort's voice was panic-stricken.  "You didn't do anything!  You're in my head!"

"My, how we forget," Shooter said.  He made a "tsk tsk" noise.  "You know, I like this new gal more, Mr. Rainey – she seems so much more innocent."  He chuckled.  "Well, she _did_ anyway."

"Out!" Mort screamed, feeling utterly helpless.

"You know I'm right.  You don' have the spine to prove otherwise – not after goin' to that motel."

"She's not with anyone!"  Mort ran his fingers through his hair.  "She's not…she's not Amy!"

"Not soundin' so sure about that either, Mr. Rainey," Shooter said, glaring at Mort.  He smiled in a way that made Mort's flesh crawl.  "You know that the wonderin' is killin' you.  Go…"

Motivated by nothing more than wanting to prove Shooter wrong, Mort pushed passed him and left his office.  He grabbed his coat from the back of the chair in the kitchen, then went into the garage.  He got inside his SUV, but for some reason, it was out of gas.  "She's not," he said to himself.  "I know she's not.  I just have to get him out."

**_Trust her._**

"Where the hell have you been?" Mort asked, his voice demanding.

**_You pushed reason – that being me - away by doubting her._**

"I don't doubt her!"  Only then did Mort realize that he was walking.

**_No?  You're going to her house in the middle of the night.  I think that's plenty of doubt._**

****

"You know I'm right, Mr. Rainey."  Mort turned around – Shooter was following him.

Mort began to run.  All reasoning was absent from his mind.  It began to rain, but he didn't stop, he didn't look back.  By the time he reached Alex's home, he was soaked and choking back sobs.  _She told me she loves me…_  His hand shook violently as he reached for the brass knocker.  He looked at the name "Liedy" written in deep, bold letters.  He turned away for a brief moment, then went against his instincts.  He knocked, hoping the sound, unlike the doorbell, would only wake Alex and not Julia.

"Be prepared to run when he answers, Mr. Rainey."  Shooter stood on the sidewalk, several yards from Mort.  

He knocked again.  "Please," he whispered.  He heard someone by the door and knew he was being looked at through the peephole.  The door opened.

"Mort?"  Alex stood before him her thick, blue bathrobe.  Her voice was groggy.  "What are you…"  She noticed the state that Mort was in.  He was soaked to the skin, his hair sticking to his face.  Nervously, he removed his fogged over glasses and she saw how red his eyes were.  "Oh my God, what happened?  What's wrong?"

Mort looked at the woman before him and felt as vulnerable as the child upstairs.  He knew full well that there was nobody else in the house and he knew that he should have felt foolish – but he didn't.  He couldn't.  At that moment, he needed Alex more than he'd ever needed anyone.  He had to show Shooter that his life would _not_ repeat itself.  "Alex," he said softly, "please help me."

She loved him.  Of course she did.  She _knew_ she did – why else would she be so scared of, of everything?  That's why she pushed him away in the first place.  She extended her hand to Mort and he took it cautiously.  Gently, she guided him inside.  Before she closed the door, Mort looked back – Shooter was gone.

Whether it was relief from Alex not turning him away or relief from Shooter's disappearance, Mort fell to his knees.  "Thank you."  

"Mort, what's going on?" Alex asked, kneeling next to him.

"I don't…I…"  Fresh tears fell from his eyes.

Not knowing what else to do, she brushed his wet, matted hair away from his face.  "It's O.K., you can tell me."  Mort shook his head and wiped at his tears.  "You look terrified."

"I shouldn't be here.  I'm sorry."

"Mort…"

"No, you asked for time and…I shouldn't be…"  His words were interrupted.  The last thing he expected was for Alex to kiss him…

After lingering for a moment she pulled away, her eyes watering.  "I'm not perfect, Mort," she whispered.  "I'm only human and I'm scared."

Mort tried to get up, but Alex placed a hand on his shoulder.  "You don't have to…"

"I've missed you so much and…God, you're shivering.  We can talk later."  She helped him up.  "Let's warm you up first, all right?"

"No, I should just…it's nothing and…"

"Mort, nothing didn't bring you here in the rain.  Were you standing out there long or…"

"I walked," Mort replied sheepishly.

"You wh…Mort, that's…walked?"

"No gas."

"You _will_ tell me what made you do that – _after_ I take care of you."


	24. I Missed You

Alex took Mort to her bathroom.  She turned on the shower and insisted that he get in and warm up.  He didn't know why he let himself follow her.  He didn't know why he undressed, but he did…after she left the room.  He got into the shower and almost collapsed as the heat hit him.  He shut out every thought that came to his mind; he simply didn't have the energy to deal with any of it right now.

"Mort?"  Alex's voice cut through the water.

"Yeah?" he said, sounding much older than he was.

"I, um…I brought you some dry clothes."

"Thank you."  Mort turned off the water and heard the door close.  He opened the shower curtain – grateful that it wasn't a door – and saw the clothes sitting on the counter.  _They must've been Tristan's.  _

**_Of course they are.  She's willing to let you wear them though._**  

"I shouldn't."

**_You should.  She's trying…be patient._**

****

"Shooter wants to…"

**_Talk to her and he won't be able to do a thing.  She can help you._**

****

After he was dry, Mort slid on the plaid flannel pants and gray t-shirt that Alex left for him.  He walked into the bedroom and froze for a moment.  Alex was on top of the covers, but she had reclined against a stack of pillows on the right side of the bed – Mort's side of the bed when he slept there.  She was asleep and for that brief moment, Mort felt that he had just come out of his own shower and was looking at his own bed…Alex, his own wife, falling asleep while waiting for him.

**_It's not so bad to think.  You could have it – if you really want it._**

****

_No, I can't.  You've done nothing but confuse me!  When I first met her, you said I didn't deserve a relationship._

**_Did I?_**

****

_Yes._

**_Why?_**

****

_I…I can't remember._

**_Good._**

****

_Good?  Why is it good?_

**_Don't worry about it – it doesn't matter anymore.  She'll keep you safe – both of you will be safe._**

****

_She's going to think…_

**_Wake her up.  Talk to her!_**

****

_She's tired._

**_Don't you dare leave._**

****

_But she's sleeping.  I don't want to scare her._

**_So don't.  _**

****

Terrified of frightening Alex, Mort approached the bed.  His hands were warm from the shower and when he caressed her face, she didn't jolt awake.  "Alex?"  If she said her husband's name, he'd leave, if she didn't…

"Mort?"

He smiled; he couldn't help it.  For the time being, Shooter was gone.  The beginning of the story that Shooter wrote was gone.  She was the only thing in his mind.  "Can I crash on your couch?"

Alex nuzzled further into the pillows.  "No."  Before Mort could react, she added, "Stay here.  We can talk."

"You're exhausted and you have to work in the…"

Alex opened her eyes and smiled.  "I'll play hooky."  She was noticeably exhausted, but very persistent.  "Please stay?"  She sat up and pushed the extra pillows off of the bed.

Mort never wanted anything more as he pulled back the covers and crawled into Alex's bed.  She did the same, then immediately snuggled into him.  

"I missed you so much."

Mort ran his fingers through her hair.  "I missed you too…more than you can imagine."

"You're so warm," she said, her voice airy.  She yawned.  "I have my own teddy bea…"  More comfortable than she'd been in what felt like a lifetime, she fell asleep mid thought.

Mort wrapped his arms around Alex.  "I want to stay here," he whispered.  "I'm safe here…we're both safe here."  He fell asleep.  No disturbing thoughts, no voices, just sleep.


	25. Playing Hooky

Around six A.M., Alex awoke – beating her alarm.  She looked at Mort and brushed her hand across his cheek.  She hadn't been haunted by the dream that caused her to push him away.  _I'm sorry…That was really childish of me._

She got out of bed, careful not to wake Mort, and took her cordless phone out into the hallway.  She called the principal of her school and explained that she had a "family emergency" to attend to and that she would need a substitute teacher for the day.  After hanging up, she checked in on Julia – she was still sound asleep.  _She's probably thrilled that I'm not waking her before the sun comes up._  She then returned to her room, trying to be as quiet as she could, but Mort was already awake.

"Am I going to get you in trouble?" he asked, sounding almost timid

Alex got back into bed.  "Not at all," she said, smiling.  "How are you feeling?"

Mort swallowed.  "Better than when I got here."

Moving closer to him, Alex asked, "Are you ready to talk about it?"

"I want to…God knows I think I, I need to, but…"  He looked away.

"But what?"

"I'm afraid that I'll loose…I don't want to be without you."

Alex smiled.  "And I don't want to be without you."  _Oh God…that sounded so scripted._  However, to Alex's surprise, Mort looked truly surprised.

"Do you mean that?"  Alex nodded.  "But what if I…"

"Mort, the only thing that could make me not want to be with you is something that I know you'd never do."  She caressed his face.  "If you're not ready to talk…"

"I'll talk to you," he interrupted, his hands beginning to wander her body.  "I promise…"  He kissed her neck.  "Later?"

Alex closed her eyes.  "Later."  She kissed him and let herself get lost.  Lost in her thoughts, lost in her body, lost in his…  

Everything began to blur together…kisses, caresses…lovemaking.  The only thing that pulled the couple from the euphoria they'd created was sound of Julia, now awake and ready for breakfast.


	26. The Story of John Shooter

Knowing that she and Mort were going to need a lot of time to sort through things, Alex called Karen and asked her to take Julia for the day.  Once Julia was gone, Mort knew that he wouldn't be able to stall any longer.

A can of Mountain Dew in his hands, and a bag of Doritos within reach, Mort simply blurted, "Alex, I think I'm losing my mind."

Normally, Alex would have laughed off such a comment, but something was telling her that Mort wasn't trying to make light of anything.  "What?" she asked gently.

Mort's eyes pleaded with her.  "I hear things…in my mind…I shouldn't be saying…"

Alex took a deep breath.  "Mort, are you being…serious?"  He nodded.  "O.K., then."  She moved closer to him on the couch and put her hand on his back, rubbing lightly.  "Tell me more."

"Tell you more?  Shouldn't this be where you either tell me I'm ridiculous, or say 'Well, it's been fun, but I can't have a crazy guy around my daughter?'"

"Thought about my reaction much?" she asked smiling.

"You shouldn't be so O.K. with this," he said insistently.  Alex laughed.  Yes, laughed.  "What's funny about this?"

Alex calmed her laughter.  "Mort, do you know why I needed some time to myself?"

"You got overwhelmed with…"  Alex shook her head "no."  "No?  That wasn't the reason?"  She shook her head again.  "You weren't telling the truth, then?"

"It's not that I wasn't telling the truth, exactly – I was…I just wasn't telling you _everything_."

"Oh…"

"And the reason for that is that…"  She pushed her hair away from her face.  "…I thought you would think I was being ridiculous."

"Uh…why?"

"I had a dream about you and because of this dream – this totally unreal thing that only lives in my mind – I let myself get scared and I pushed you away."

Mort sat perfectly still, his eyes locked with Alex's.  He reached for his comfort food, taking a handful of the chips.  He seemed to be lost in thought as he chewed.  _She got scared over a dream…a dream.  Maybe it's not so awful that my thoughts are…But I can see him.  I shouldn't be able to see him._

**_Don't you see that it doesn't matter?  She's not running!_**

****

_I haven't told her the part about seeing things._

**_Maybe you don't have to.  Not yet.  And…You might want to say something._**

****

"Why didn't you tell me?" Mort asked, cautiously.

"I thought you'd think I was being irrational."

Mort shook his head.  "I wouldn't have thought that."

"Why?" Alex asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Because I lo…"  He understood then why Alex wasn't judging him, why she wasn't running away or laughing.

"Get it?" she asked sweetly.  Mort nodded, a smile appearing on his face.  "Good, so now, please, tell me more."

"And you won't…"

She put her hand on his face.  "I'm not running."

"I told you that my ex-wife cheated on me – but I didn't tell you what happened when I…I found them together."

"You found them?"  Mort nodded.  "As in you _caught_ them?"

"In a motel room.  In bed.  I knew where they were and I tried my damnedest not to go in, but I lost the battle with myself, stole the key from the motel's office, and went inside their room."

"Oh, Mort…"

He shook his head.  "Don't feel too sorry for me," he said softly.  "I had a gun with me."  He looked at Alex.  "It wasn't loaded," he added quickly, "but I had it with me."

"Oh…"

"I wasn't going to hurt anyone, I knew it wasn't worth…I swear, it wasn't loaded."

"Why did you bring it?" Alex asked calmly.  

"That's when it all started, at least I think it is."  Mort took a final swig of Mountain Dew and reclined into the couch.  "After I found out about the two of them, there was this voice in the back of my mind telling me to get my gun and let them know that I knew about it.  I listened to it at first, but then I…I guess what you'd consider to be my conscience stepped in and I _tried_ to listen to reason, but the other voice…it won in the end."

"Everyone has those voices, Mort.  Especially when you're hurt and angry…"

Mort shook his head.  "Not like this, Alex.  It wasn't 'me' I was hearing.  It was a totally separate voice – not mine at all.  It had it a southern drawl…it was so distinct and…it overpowered my mind.  I listened to it!"

"Maybe it was a way of coping," Alex offered.  "I mean, I don't know how I would have dealt with something like that, but…"

"Alex, there's…there's a bit more I should tell you before you try and rationalize this."  A worried look crept into Alex's eyes – she tried to keep this look from Mort, but he saw.  "Are you all right?"

"I feel like I'm preparing myself for something – I just don't know what."

"I don't know how this is going to sound – I've never actually said anything out loud, but I think…I think I created him, this voice I mean."

"Created?"

Mort sighed.  "I was with Amy a few summers ago and we went to Amish country.  I bought this ridiculous farmer's hat and looked in the mirror.  As soon as I saw myself, I created a character named 'John Shooter.'  Right away I had thoughts about his life, his voice, his demeanor.  Once I got back home, I started a story about him.  I stayed shut up in my office writing about him.  Pages and pages…"  Mort's voice drifted.  "I began to reread the story and there was too much violence, gore…this sense of…he was so oddly calm while he committed these horrendous acts…I can't even explain it.  It scared – no, terrified me that I had written something that ominous…"

"Isn't that your job?" Alex asked softly.

"That's my point.  I write this genre for a living and _I_ was terrified of the person _I_ created.  As I looked back through the pages, I actually couldn't even remember putting in some of the details that I'd written.  I'd succeeded at scaring the shit out of myself and decided that the story was better off being wiped away.  I burnt the printed pages, just in case – there was always the possibility of a fan going through my trash – and deleted it from my hard drive."

"Are you trying to say that…Mort, what is it exactly that you're trying to say?"

Mort put his head in his hands.  "I don't know."  He looked at Alex, a mix of fear and adoration reflecting in his eyes.  "After I moved out of my home, I was fine for a while, but then I…he…I could swear to you that I saw this…things started to happen.  All I wanted to do was sleep and I swear that someone was stalking me.  Someone that knew about this person that I created, only nobody else ever saw him and…"  Mort's breathing changed – he was on the verge of hyperventilating until Alex brought him back.  She put both of her hands on his face and forced him to look at her.

"Mort?  Sweetheart…"  _Sweetheart?  Yes, sweetheart, baby, anything that I want to call him.  _"…look at me.  Calm down."  Truth be told, Alex was scared to death at the moment.  She couldn't understand what it was that Mort was experiencing, what he'd gone or was currently going through.  All she knew for sure was that Mort needed something stable at the moment and her getting upset certainly wouldn't serve that purpose.

Mort curled his whole body up on the couch and placed his head in Alex's lap.  He was trembling and she knew that he was crying.  "I don't want to be crazy," he whispered.  "I was finally happy again.  You and Julia…I love both of you so…"

Alex ran her fingers through Mort's hair.  "Shh…I know you do.  We love you too and you're not crazy, Mort.  If you were crazy, you wouldn't have said a word to me about this."

Mort stopped shaking and took a deep breath.  "You're right…right?"

"I am."  She kissed the top of his head.  "Do you want to straighten all of this out?"  He nodded.  "Will you go and see someone about this?"

"A shrink?"

"Yeah," Alex said gently.  "My shrink.  He's very professional and…"

"I'll go."


	27. He'll Be Fine

Mort nervously paced the waiting room.  Alex was sitting on a leather couch, an unopened magazine in her hands.  She had tried to assure him time and time again that Dr. Harris was known for his work, but this only caused Mort's nerves to become even more frazzled.

"What if he wants to lock me up?" Mort said, finally sitting down.

Alex gave him a pitying look.  "I really don't think that's going to be an option to consider."  She took his hand in hers and, just as Mort had done on their first date, she traced her finger along his palm – it seemed to calm him.  "Look at you, you're a ball of nerves.  You need to at least try to relax."

"Do I have to be on my back, staring at the ceiling saying things like, 'Well, my childhood wasn't a happy one, but…'"

"You'll tell me what you feel comfortable telling me, Mr. Rainey."  Mort looked up.  Dr. Harris was standing in the doorway, a pleasant smile on his face.  He walked over to the couple and extended his hand.  "I'm Dr. Andrew Harris – and I can promise you that I'll be very easy on you today."  

Mort shook his hand, saying, "I've never done this."

"You'll be fine," Dr. Harris said confidently.  "And when you leave, you have a lovely young lady to escort you out of here."  Dr. Harris turned his eyes to Alex and she smiled.  "How are you Alex?"

She took shook his hand.  "I'm fine, Dr. Harris – just a little worried about him."  Mort blushed despite his nerves; he reveled in the fact that Alex cared about him so much.  

"I'll take good care of him."

"Thank you."

"Are you ready, Mr. Rainey?"

"Mort, please," Mort said softly.  "Yeah, I guess."  He looked at Alex, his eyes unsure.  When he stood up, she stood with him, pulling him into her arms.

"You're going to be fine," she whispered in his ear.  She kissed his cheek, then quickly caught his lips with her own.  She felt his body relax slightly and she gave him a final, gentle squeeze.  "I'll be here waiting for you."  She let him go and he followed Dr. Harris to his office.  Alex closed her eyes, a tear falling down her cheek.  _He'll be fine…he has to be._

*******

**_Author's Note: _**Yes, this was a very short chapter, but that happens once in a while.  Thanks for all of the reviews so far – they are what get me revved up for writing more.  Please, keep 'em coming!


	28. Therapy

Mort sat on the couch in Dr. Harris' office.  He wrung his hands together nervously and popped his jaw once or twice.

"I'm not here to judge you, Mort," Dr. Harris said reassuringly.  "I'm here to help."

Mort looked up.  "I know, I just…I never saw myself getting to a point like this."

"That's very understandable, most people don't."  Dr. Harris sat in his chair.  "Some people know why they come to me, others…well, sometimes they know there's something wrong, but they just can't pinpoint it.  Mort, do you know why you're here?"

Mort nodded.  "Yes."

Dr. Harris smiled.  "I couldn't have asked for a better start.  As soon as you feel comfortable enough, tell me.  Please remember, there is no judging and there's not much that I haven't already heard – do not think that you are abnormal in any way."

**_Tell him.  Tell him everything.  Scratch that…you don't even know everything.  Tell him what you told Alex, at least to start._**

"There are voices," Mort said softly.  "In…in my head."  Mort looked up at Dr. Harris, he nodded, encouraging him to go on.  "Two of them…two are mine, I suppose it's what anyone has in their mind, you know?  The 'what if I do this' sort of thoughts and the 'don't do that you idiot' thoughts."

"Indeed, nothing more than one's conscience really, though everyone's is different."  

"There's another voice though, and it's not mine.  It has its own personality, its own drawl, its own…wants I…I guess."  Mort proceeded to tell Dr. Harris everything he had told Alex about John Shooter.

Dr. Harris looked deep in thought when he said, "Mort, what is it that you're not telling me?"

Mort's eyes opened widely.  "You think I'm leaving something out?"  Dr. Harris nodded.  "Why?"

"Am I correct?"

"Are you going to lock me up?" Mort asked quickly.

Dr. Harris smiled.  "No.  Tell me what else has happened."

Mort moved his body more toward the edge of the couch; he was barely sitting on it now.  "Alex won't know?"

"Whatever you say is only between the two of us."

"Sometimes I…I've seen him.  I've seen John Shooter."  

"Seen him?  As in?"

Mort got up and began to pace.  "As in he came to my home and knocked on my door!  As in he called me, trying to convince me that I stole a story of his!"

"Calm down, Mort."  

Mort realized the tone he'd taken.  "I'm sorry," he said calmly.  

"It's all right.  So, you've interacted with this voice – he's taken form?"

"Yes," Mort said, feeling utterly embarrassed. 

**Why did you say that, Mr. Rainey?  **

Dr. Harris watched as Mort's faced drained itself of all color.  "Mort?"

Mort took a deep breath.  "All I want is for my life to be back to normal."

"Is this a recent occurrence?"

"Not exactly, it happened once, then went away…now it's – he's – back."

Dr. Harris looked at Mort and tried to read his body.  "Can you go on or would you rather stop?"

"I'm fine," Mort insisted.

**Remember those words, Mr. Rainey.**

"When did all of this start?"

"I caught my ex-wife cheating on me.  I moved out and after a few months, it started."

"I can imagine that your stress level must have been elevated?"

Mort nodded.  "I couldn't write, I was living alone, and she and the bastard she…she and Ted wouldn't stop hassling me about the divorce papers."

"And this is when you saw 'John Shooter?'"

Mort nodded.  "All I could do was sleep and be paranoid about some psychopath that thought I…everything from then is such a blur.  I only remember fragments of it."

"But it stopped?"

Mort nodded again.  "As soon as I signed the papers."

"Then what happened?"

"After a while, I couldn't stand being in that cabin anymore.  I sold it and moved here."

"And 'John Shooter?'"

"Gone…until I started seeing Alex."

"Alex?"  Dr. Harris was caught off-guard. 

"I was nothing but nerves when we first started dating.  I'd hear random thoughts here and there, but those left too."

"Until?"

Mort felt like he was somehow betraying Alex, but he had to figure out what was happening to him.  "Alex and I started getting really close and she got scared – we both did – and she asked for some 'time', which usually feels like a death warrant.  She meant it though; I knew she did.  Shooter though, he wormed his way out somehow and was trying to convince me that Alex was cheating on me."

"Did you think that she was?"

Mort became all but offended.  "No!  I knew she wasn't Amy…but he wouldn't leave me alone.  I went to her and…I told her everything.  Now I'm here."

"Mort, I think your problem lies in the stress you're putting yourself under."

"Stress?  Dr. Harris, I already knew that I was stressed."  Mort was beginning to wonder why he agreed to this.

"What I mean is that instead of venting out the frustration, you seem to let it manifest."

"It can't be that simple," Mort insisted.  "He's not just stress, he can't be!"

"Mort…"

"He can't be…you can't hear what he…there are threats and…"

"Are you willing to try medication?"

"Anything…"

Dr. Harris began to scribble on a pad.  "Try this for a week, it's for stress reduction.  If nothing changes, then we'll try something more extensive."

"Extensive?"

"I don't want to jump to any conclusions.  I firmly believe that stress is the troubling factor here."

Mort ran his fingers through his hair.  "A week, fine…I just hope that you're right."  The men shook hands and Mort returned to the waiting room.  He felt lighter than he had before, thanks to getting things out into the open with someone, but he just couldn't believe that stress would make him see things.

"How was it?" Alex asked.

"Apparently, I'm stressed.  He helped you?"

"He did.  I'm sorry if this didn't…"

"No, no…"  He caressed Alex's face.  "I'm going to come back.  I'm going to take care of whatever this is.  Hell, if it is stress, then there's nothing to worry about right?"

Alex smiled.  "Right."

*******

**_Author's Note:_**  Therapy – not the most exciting chapter, but necessary.  I have two chapters completed that are huge factors (and a bit intense) already written, but can't post them yet, so hang in there, more excitement and drama are coming, I promise!


	29. You Never Have to Ask

Mort and Alex went to the pharmacy to pick up Mort's prescription, then they went to Karen and Steven's house.  As soon as they stepped inside, Mort rushed to Julia's playpen, a huge smile on his face - his spirits were always higher when he was around her.

Julia beamed when she saw him.  "Up!" she said, raising her arms.  That had been Julia's first word, and the one she seemed to use the most.  When Mort arrived at Alex's home one afternoon, Julia saw him and insisted that he pick her up by saying that word.  Alex was in the room when this happened and her heart melted.

Alex went into the kitchen where Karen was finishing up with dinner.  She grabbed a knife and began to slice a cucumber for the salad when Karen asked in a hushed voice, "Everything O.K.?"

Alex hadn't told any details to Karen, she didn't want to betray Mort's trust – she told her sister that Mort hadn't been feeling well.  She answered simply, "It's hopefully nothing more than a bit of stress."

"Probably not," Karen said, peeking into the living room.  "Though he certainly doesn't seem to be bothered right now."  Mort was currently on the floor lying on his back.  He was holding Julia above him and seemed incredibly pleased that this made the little girl laugh so much.  "I mean no disrespect, Alex, but Julia's going to start to think he's her father."

Alex felt a tinge of guilt, but it was quickly replaced by warmth.  "I know," she said softly.  "She adores him.  I swear, if she was a little older, she'd ask for him by name sometimes."

"And you?"

"Me?"

"Are you all right with things now?"

Alex finished slicing and put the cucumber pieces into the salad bowl.  She tried to think of the best way to convey what was running through her mind.  "I thought that Tristan was the man that I was going to live my life with and that if it wasn't him – it wasn't going to be anyone."

Karen smiled.  "But?"

Alex returned the smile.  "But there's a man in that room who loves both me and my daughter and, Karen, I can see a life with him."

"Have you told him that?"

Alex shook her head and laughed.  "I don't want him running in the other direction, do I?"

"Look at him, Alex, I don't know that he'd move if I paid him."  

Alex looked out into the living room and blurted, "Do you think he'd move in with me?"

Karen couldn't believe what she'd just heard.  "Are you the same women that lost her head over a dream?"

"It's crazy, I know, but…God, Karen, I hate being away from him."

"You just got back together."

Alex looked a bit sheepish.  "Technically, we weren't…You're right, I'm talking crazy."

Karen smiled and playfully nudged her sister.  "Give it a month, then bring it up."  She stepped out into the living room.  Steven was talking to Mort, who was still on the floor with Julia.  "Dinner, guys," she called.

The conversation at the dinner table wasn't anything spectacular, but it was pleasant.  Mort insisted on feeding Julia, the father inside of him shining through once again.  

As they dishes were being cleared, Mort looked at Alex and said, "Baby, I'm the one who should be exhausted, but you look beat."

Alex smiled back tiredly.  "I just feel a little rundown, I'm fine though."

Mort's arm slid around her waist from behind, and he kissed her neck.  "Well, I guess that the bath I was going to draw for you is out of the question then?"

Her eyes lit up.  "Well, now that you mention it, I really could use a little down time."

"Can I stay tonight?"

Alex turned to face him and her face became very serious.  He voice was soft and loving as she said, "Mort, you never have to ask."

*******

**_Author's Note:  _**Thanks for hanging in there guys!  I hope this chapter was a little "faster" than the last one.  Big stuff coming, I swear – the setup's just taking a wee bit longer than I thought it would…


	30. Don't Leave

Alex woke up in the middle of the night, her heart racing.  She had been having a dream, but now that she was awake, she couldn't remember a thing about it.  She looked to her right and calmed down._  Hard to be scared when you don't have to wake up alone._  She stirred under the covers a bit, inadvertently waking Mort.

His eyes opened slowly as he asked, "Everything O.K.?"

Alex ran her fingers through his hair.  "Bad dream, I think."

"Can't remember?"

"Hm mm…"

"Come here."  Mort lovingly pulled Alex to him so that her head was resting on his chest.  "Better?"

Alex sighed.  "Much."  She remembered what Karen had told her about waiting.  It had been nearly a month since then and although she hardly wanted to ask him while he was half asleep, she found the words flowing out of her mouth, unable to stop them.  "Do you like it here?"

Mort snuggled against her a bit deeper.  "Mm hm," he responded, fighting against the incoming slumber.

"Have you ever thought about, um, maybe…staying here?"

Mort's eyes opened very slightly.  "Aren't I doing that now?"

Alex's voice became noticeably nervous.  "Well, yeah, but I…I was wondering if…never mind."

Mort was fully awake now.  "What's on your mind?"

Alex positioned herself so she could see Mort's face.  "I love you," she said softly.

"I love you too.  Now that that's cleared up, what were you wondering?"

"Well, you like it here and I…I _really_ like you being here."  She began to ramble a bit quickly.  "I love not waking up alone and seeing you first thing in the morning and I love the way you are with Julia and I love making love to you and I…"

Mort chuckled.  "Slow down, baby.  What is all of this leading up to?"  The look in his eyes told Alex that he already knew.

"Don't leave," she whispered.

"As in in the morning – or ever?" he asked with a smile.

Alex kissed him deeply.  "Ever."

Mort's face lit up and he sat up in the bed.  "You aren't sleep committing, are you?"

Alex laughed.  "No, I'm very much awake and aware of…what's your answer?"

"My answer?"  He kissed Alex with every ounce of emotion in his body.  "Clear enough?"

She smiled at him.  "Hm, I don't know…I think you may need to convince me a little bit more.  I mean, this is a big step, after all." 

Mort smiled back.  "More convincing, huh?"  Alex kissed his chest, causing him to shiver.  "I can do that."

*******

**_Author's Note:  _**For a more "Extended" version of this scene (like a DVD – heehee) go to adultfanfiction.net  I know this was a short chapter, but after a bit of tweaking, the next two chaps will be up quickly.


	31. Missing a Dose

            Alex walked into Mort's house, sweaty and muddy.  The couple had been working all day on the landscaping in the yard.  Since their decision to move in together - and sell Mort's house - Mort knew that the property would need some improvements before he put it on the market. The house itself was now fine, but the landscape left much to be desired.  All morning, through the early afternoon, he and Alex dug and mulched and planted.  Both of them loved the outdoors and didn't mind getting their hands dirty, so to speak.

            "Can I shower?" Alex asked.

            Mort smiled and shook his head.  "You have to ask?"

            Alex giggled.  "It's polite."  She playfully kissed the tip of his nose and disappeared into the bathroom.  

            **_Hey._**  Mort didn't hear the voice right away.  **_You'd better listen up, buddy._**

            "What the…"

            **_Much better.  Listen to me – make up an excuse and get out of here._**

****

            "Get out?  There's a gorgeous, naked woman in my bathroom and…why are you here?"

            **_Took you long enough to ask.  Listen to me – get out.  He's not happy with what she's done._**

****

            "He can't come around anymore."  Mort walked to the kitchen counter and picked up his prescription bottle.  He was going to shake it in triumph, but found that it was empty.  "Shit!"  He looked at the date.  "Forgot to refill…wait a minute, missing one dose…"

            **_Will be just enough.  He's pissed off – more at Alex than you.  She's the one who suggested Dr. Harris and…_**

****

            Mort's face drained of its color.  "He can't come back.  He can't."

            **_He can and he very well might.  Make up an excuse and leave.  Listen to…  _**The voice died out.  Mort froze in his place.  Standing before him was Shooter. 

            "Thought I'd just go away, Mr. Rainey?"

            "You're not real," Mort said surely.

            Shooter smiled.  "I'm as real as you are, boy.  I _am_ you."

            "You're not.  You are a result of a stress and fried nerves."

            "Doctor's fancy talk ain' all it's cracked up to be.  If it was, I wouldn' be here now, would I?"  Mort didn't answer.  "That woman in your shower's gonna ruin your life – _my_ life, Mr. Rainey and I simply can' stand for that.  I want out.  I'm s'posed to be out, but she's gone and taken that away from me.  That upsets me."

            "You will _not_ touch her."  Mort's voice was firm, unshaken.

            "I won' hurt her, Mr. Rainey.  Not yet anyway."

Mort was persistent.  "You are **_not_**real."

Shooter's voice was cold and unnervingly calm.  "I'm everythin' you're too scared to be, pilgrim.  You need me to survive."  He looked at the empty bottle in Mort's hand.  "And that there has made you weak, Mr. Rainey.  You missed it once and here I am."  He then looked down the hall at the closed bathroom door.  "And there _she_ is."

Mort became suddenly desperate, too concerned for Alex's safety.  "Please, don't hurt her," he pleaded.  "What do you want me to do?  Anything – I'll do anything to keep you from hurting her."

Shooter smiled.  "I'll take you up on that offer, Mr. Rainey.  How 'bout you go take yourself one of those naps you're so fond of?"  Mort's eyes closed, then slowly opened again.  Shooter was gone and a smirk spread across his face.  

"Time to check on the little lady," Mort said, his voice coated with a thick Mississippi accent.  "She'll notice this," he said, thinking about how he sounded.  An idea struck him.  "…or maybe not."

_No…God no!  _Mort was trapped inside himself.  For the first time, he was aware of what was going on – what Shooter was doing.  Mort heard himself laugh.

"Thought you might want to stick around for this one, Mr. Rainey."  He walked downstairs to the office and retrieved the black hat from underneath the couch where Mort had shoved it.  "I do wish you wouldn' try and keep this from me."

_Don't touch her, fucker!  _Mort had never felt so helpless in his life…he couldn't understand what was going on.  He was unable to control a single movement of his body, and that alone was enough to make him feel crazed.  _Let me out!_

"When I'm finished!" Shooter said sternly.  "You've taken so much away from me, Mr. Rainey.  Only fair I take a little from you."

_            No!_  Mort fought, but soon realized how weak he felt.  It was hopeless.  He was trapped and he was going to be forced to watch.

            "Don' worry, Mr. Rainey, you'll have the stomach for this."

*******

**_Author's Note: _**I'm being a bit rebellious.  The next chapter may be a bit graphic for a PG-13 rating, but I can't see the sense in changing a rating for one chapter.  If you wish, skip it, but it is rather important to the story.  


	32. Shooter and Alex

Mort heard the bathroom door open and watched as Alex emerged, clad only in a towel.  She looked at the man she assumed to be Mort Rainey and smiled.

            "What's with the hat?" she asked.  Shooter smiled and shrugged.  Alex laughed at him.  "Do I have any clothes lying around here?"

            Shooter smiled.  "Oh, honey, I don' think you need any clothes."

            Alex cocked her head.  "Mort, what's going on?"  Shooter approached Alex and gently wrapped an arm around her waist.  

_You son of a bitch!  Hands off of her!_  

"We've been rootin' around outside all day, darlin' – brought out the farmer in me I s'pose."

Not giving it a thought, Alex smiled.  "Oh?" she said, a knowing smile on her face.  "So you're the farmer and I'm, what, the milkmaid?"

"If it fancies you," Shooter said slyly.

_Not a game, Alex, not a game!  _

Alex let her voice take on more of a seductive tone.  Mort's "playfulness" had peaked her interest.  "Well, did the farmer take his pill like a good boy?"

"Yes ma'am," he smiled.  "Did you milk Bessy?"

Alex bit her lower lip.  "Oh no," she said, sounding overly innocent.  "I completely forgot.  I'm a bad milkmaid…"  She stopped, shaking her head.  "Mort, I can't do this.  I feel like I'm in a really bad porno or something."  Shooter leaned down and kissed her forcefully, his tongue snaking into her mouth.   

_I'm going to kill you, bastard!_

Not caring that Mort was still filthy, Alex let her towel drop to the floor and she pressed her body into his.  "What's gotten into you?"

"Feelin' frisky, darlin'."

She smiled, pulling his shirt off of him.  "No need to role play if you want to make things a little less…traditional.  You know I don't have any problems with that."

_Alex…baby, can't you tell that it's not me?_

Shooter forced his accent away, trying his best to sound like Mort.  "Sorry baby…"  Shooter forced the vocabulary as well.  "…I almost forgot that you have another side to yourself."

Alex laughed, sounding almost seductive.  "How could you forget, Mort?  I still owe you a lamp from last month's little incident."

Shooter laughed and kissed her again, this time more like Mort would have done.  He took her hand and led her to the bedroom.  Once inside, he pushed her onto the bed and stripped off the remainder of his clothing.  Alex looked at him and Mort could see the lust in her eyes.

_It's not me…Why can't you see it?_

**_She has no reason to think it's anyone else._**

_But I told her about Shooter!  I told her about the accent and…_

**_And you also told her that you're perfectly fine now.  It's been a few months since you got your prescription.  You haven't said a thing, she has no reason to be concerned – that's the only way he's getting away with it._**

_He's going to rape her…_ He's in your body, she's not resisting… _You aren't helping!  Why the hell are you letting this happen?_ Why are you? _I'm not, I'm fighting!_

**_If you fight anymore, you're going to lose.  You'll sleep and you'll have no idea what he does.  _**

Sobs rang through Mort's head, but not a hint of them appeared outwardly.  Shooter tied Alex's wrists to the bedposts, she was far more than willing to let him do so.  He just wished she'd stop saying Mort's name.  Shooter lacked any of Mort's romantic tendencies and simply entered his prey – his hips thrusting roughly.  Alex bucked to meet him, struggling against her restraints.

Shooter never shut his eyes.  He simply looked at Alex's face, burning it into his memory – and Mort's.  Her eyes were closed, her lips slightly parted, and sweat was beginning to form at her hairline_._

**I'm gonna break you, missy.  I'm gonna break you and make you pay for puttin' me away.**

The thought was too much for Mort to bear.  In a final silent cry, he let himself shut down.


	33. Do you feel OK?

"Mort?"  Alex had been calling his name for a few minutes.  "Mort, honey…come on, wake up."

Mort's eyes opened slowly.  The light hurt him and everything was blurred, but after a few moments, he could see…and he could control his own body. 

_Thank God…_

"Hey, sleepyhead, could you untie me, please?"

Mort looked at Alex, her hands were still tied to the bed.  "Oh, Alex…Christ, I'm sorry."  He quickly untied her and pulled her into his arms.  He rocked her gently, which caused a bit of confusion.

"Mort, what's the matter?"

"Are you O.K.?" he asked quickly.  "Did I…did I hurt you?"

Alex smiled.  "You wore me out…but you didn't hurt me."  She kissed him.  "What got into you today?"

_Not what – who._  "I…I don't know.  I'm sorry."

"No need to be sorry," she said, winking at him.  "I had a good time – just untie me before you fall asleep next time."

He couldn't let go of her – he felt that he, well, his body at least, had defiled her.  "You know how much I love you, right?"

"Of course I do."  She glanced at the clock.  "We need to go get Julia."

"I need to get my prescription – I forgot to call it in."

"You missed a dose?"  Mort nodded.  "But you told me…Do you feel O.K.?"

"I've…I'm fine."

_I have to get him out…_


	34. Appointments

**_Author's Note:  _**For some reason, Word didn't format this chapter correctly.  I tried and tried, but the bolds and italics are all off after about halfway through.  Sorry guys!  The next chappie's all good though!

***

            The next morning, Mort picked up the phone and called Dr. Harris' office.  He waited until Alex left for work so he could speak freely.  He bounced Julia on his knee as he spoke.

"I missed one dose – _one_ dose and it all came back," Mort said frantically.

"Calm down," Dr. Harris said.  "Did you get your prescription?"

"Yeah, but doc, this isn't stress, do you hear me?  It's not!  I wasn't stressed in the least yesterday.  My life couldn't be better!"

Mort heard Dr. Harris sigh.  "Can you come in and see me today?"

"I…I have the baby," Mort said, bothered by the fact that Dr. Harris wanted to see him again.  

"Can you find someone to watch her?"

"Yeah.  It's something else, isn't it?  Something more serious?"

"I won't know until you tell me what happened.  Two o' clock O.K.?"

"I'll be there."  Mort hung up with Dr. Harris, then called Karen.  He explained that he had to make an appointment at the doctor's, but was vague about it.

"You too?" Karen asked.

"What do you mean?"  Mort was puzzled.

"Alex has an appointment after school.  Didn't she tell you?"

"She said she…"  _She said she had a meeting.  Why would she lie?_  "Yeah, she told me.  It just slipped my mind for a minute."

"Oh.  Well, anyway, you can bring Julia by when you need to go."

"It's no trouble?"

Karen giggled.  "Not at all.  Mort, what's the matter?"

"Not feeling the best, but I'm going to get it taken care of.  I'll see you around one-thirty, O.K.?"

"Sure.  Bye."

"Bye."  Mort hung up the phone and put Julia in her playpen – much to her disappointment.  _Why would she lie to me?_

**_Maybe she doesn't want to worry you about something.  It's a doctor's visit, nothing more._**

"You don't know that."

Weren't you listening to Karen?  Don't you dare start to think that things aren't right between the two of you.

Mort rubbed his temples.  "You're right.  I know she's not doing anything wrong.  I trust her.  Still, why wouldn't she have told me?

I'm willing to bet as soon as she gets home today, she'll tell you everything – if there's anything to tell.

"What should I tell Dr. Harris?"

The truth.

Mort did his best to pass the rest of the morning.  He spent most of it unpacking more of his things.  Alex told Mort that Tristan had an office and that she hadn't gone into it much since his passing.  She then informed him that it was his now.  Mort had yet to go into it without her – today was as good a day as any.

He walked inside and knew right away that he would be able to work there.  There was a large picture window that took up most of the back wall, as well as another, smaller window on the outside wall.  The room was filled with natural light.  Bookshelves were built into the wall parallel to the picture window – he could make full use of those.  His eyes caught sight of a drafting table that was folded up and leaning against a filing cabinet.

"I wonder if he approves of me," Mort said to himself.

He felt almost guilty as he began to fill up the bookshelves, but when he peeked out into the living room and saw Julia, he knew that he had no reason to be.  In one sense, he was taking Tristan's place, but he knew that if he had a family and passed on, he would want someone to love and care for them.

"I wouldn't necessarily want someone that was hearing voices and couldn't control their actions…"

It's not your fault!  You love Alex and Julia and would never hurt them.  Dr. Harris is going to get Shooter out of you.

"He might lock me up if I tell him everything."

He said he's already heard everything.

            "Yeah, but he didn't say what happened to the loony ones."


	35. Lovesick Reasoning

Mort stood in front of the building where Dr. Harris' office resided, his eyes wide – he was watching Alex leave the building.

_She knew something was wrong…she went to tell him about it._

**_So, she's worried about you.  She loves you!_**

_Shooter scared her._

**_You let yourself shut down…believe me, she thought it was you._**

_I did not **let** myself shut down!  It was too much; Shooter knew it would be.  He knew that I wouldn't be able to handle him being with her!_  Mort's eyes focused on Alex.  _She knew something was wrong afterwards…Do I let her know I'm here?_

**_And trap her?_**

Mort looked at the ground.  _It wouldn't be trapping her.  It's O.K. that…Wait, she didn't want me to know…_

"Mort?"  It was too late, Alex saw him.

Mort lifted his head, his eyes slowly meeting hers.  "Alex?  I…I thought that you had a meeting."

"I didn't want you to worry," she said quickly.  She bit her lower lip, then continued.  "Mort, I was going to tell you everything when I got…Wait, why are you here?  Where's Julia?"

"She's with Karen.  I'm going to see Dr. Harris."

Alex's eyes widened.  "Are you all right?"

Mort looked away from her for a moment.  _What should I say?_  There was no answer from his "inner self."  Taking a deep breath, he said, "To be honest, I'm not sure.  I think…I think we should talk tonight."  _Is she starting to cry?_  "Alex?"

She made sure to look away from him.  "Hm?"

He slid an arm around her waist.  "What's wrong?"

"That just sounds…not good."  _Yeah, Alex, that almost makes sense.  I shouldn't have come here without telling him._

Mort ran his finger along Alex's cheek.  "Love me?" he asked sweetly.  She nodded.  "Well, I love you too – just remember that.  I need to tell you some things, that's all."

Alex looked slightly relieved.  "O.K."  She kissed his cheek.  "See you at home?"

He smiled and let his lips brush against hers.  "I'll always love the way that sounds."  His comment made Alex smile back at him.  With a final, gentle hug, the couple went in their respective directions.

Mort all but ran to Dr. Harris' office; he was oddly nervous about what Alex may have said to him.  He was immensely grateful that he didn't have to sit in the waiting room for more than a few minutes.  

**_See, you did fine with her on your own._**

_Yeah, lot of help you were._

**_I just wanted to prove that you are capable of functioning without me – most of the time._**

_Well, I…_

"Mort, I'm ready for you."  Dr. Harris had broken through Mort's thoughts.  He got up and followed the doctor into his office.  He took his place on the couch – sitting as he had on his last few appointments.  "You were rather frantic on the phone.  What's wrong?"

Mort's words flowed quickly.  "I told you on the phone – things happened when I missed one lousy dose yesterday.  I appreciate your credentials, but I think that your diagnosis of me is wrong."

"Fair enough," Dr. Harris said, his voice calm.  "What exactly happened?"

Mort thought a moment before answering.  He didn't want to sound like a crazy person, despite the fact that he felt like one.  Before he could think of his phrasing, another question popped out of his mouth.  "Alex knows there's something wrong, doesn't she?"

"How would I know that?"

"She just left here," Mort said "matter of factly."  "Look, I know that there's a doctor/patient confidentiality thing, but…"

Dr. Harris raised an eyebrow.  "Mort, why are you so concerned over whether or not Alex was here?"

Nervously, Mort popped his jaw.  "She knew.  Yesterday, she knew that something wasn't right with me."

"What happened between the two of you yesterday?"

_He's going to commit me._  "After I realized I missed my…taking the pill…the voice was back – like it was never gone."

"Are you positive that you didn't just make yourself think it was there?"

Mort looked utterly confused.  "If it's in my mind to begin with, how am I supposed to know the difference?  Look, I didn't just hear it this time, O.K.?"

Dr. Harris placed his notebook on his lap.  "What?"

"I saw him.  The character I created, I swear to you, I saw him again."  Mort rubbed his eyes.  "The only stress that I'm under is from him, or it, or…or whatever you want to call it.  And he took over my…"

**_No!  No, you can't tell him that – at least not yet.  You could lose her.  You could lose both of them._**

"He took over what, Mort?" Dr. Harris asked.

"He…he was loud, demanding.  I felt trapped.  And Alex, she knew something was wrong."

"I see."  Dr. Harris then got lost in his thoughts.

_Maybe she's better off without me.  Maybe I should never have gone to the hospital that day…_

**_She gave you your life back._**

_I don't know whose side you're on anymore!  First I'm not supposed to be with someone, then I am…Now you're…You're supposed to help me see things clearly!_

**_I don't want to be without her now either…_**

_Wonderful, my reasoning is as lovesick as I am._

"Mort, I'm going to change your medication to risperidone – a very mild dosage of it.  It's a drug that is used with patients who suffer from schizophrenia." 

Mort was hit with an intense wave of nausea.  "Schizophrenia?  What, now I'm a fucking psychopath?"

"Calm down, Mort."

Realizing his tone and language, Mort apologized.  "I'm…I'm sorry.  You think I'm sick?"

"You're suffering hallucinations, hearing voices…I'll need to meet with you – and Alex – more regularly…"

"Alex?  I don't want to drag her into this."

"If you feel as strongly about her as I suspect you do, you really don't have the option.  Therapy will help both of you.  I do not feel that you are definitely suffering from schizophrenia, but this medication is for the same symptoms that you seem to be suffering.  Is there anything else I should know about?"

"N-no."  _I swear, if it happens again, I'll tell him._  

"All right."  Dr. Harris scribbled the prescription down.  "I'll need to start to see you and Alex weekly.  I have one evening slot open that I'll give to the two of you, since Alex works days."

"Thank you," Mort said, suddenly terrified of everything that was happening.  He left the office in a daze.  Not only did he have today's session on his mind, but Alex was going to tell him why she was in that building and he told her that he needed to tell her "some things."  

_She could end things.  She could get scared and end things._

**_Or she could help you._**

**Or I could break her.  Just like I said I would.**

***

**_Author's Note:_**  O.K., I'm not a doctor and I used the Mayo Clinic website to help me with this chapter.  Um…yeah…So don't be too critical, O.K.?  Thanks!  And thanks SO MUCH for all of the reviews!!!


	36. Changes

Mort couldn't hear Shooter's thought – who knows what he would have done if he had.  Instead, he made it to the pharmacy, picked up his prescription, and headed home.  He would tell Alex all he could and she would decide their fate.  The thought made his heart ache and his head pound.

_One more time with her.  Would that be so bad before I told her?_

**_You'd be putting off the inevitable.  And there's nothing saying that she'd want that._**

_I need her.  One more time._

**_You shouldn't be thinking this way._**

_She has a little girl.  A little girl that shouldn't be around someone…unstable._

**_The medication and therapy could…_**

Mort found himself standing in front of the door to Alex's – his – home.  The brass knocker mocked him, still reading "Liedy" in large, bold letters.

_Will this ever really be my home?_

**_You live here, don't you? _**

_I sleep here_.  Mort was beginning to have doubts about everything.  Sure, Alex had asked him to live with her, and yes, she trusted Julia being in his care…but did he deserve any of that?  Was he worthy of a life that, at least on the outside, seemed so blissfully perfect?

**_Why are you doing this to yourself?_**

"Preparing for the worst, I suppose," he muttered.  He took a deep breath and put his key in the lock.  When he got inside, he found the ground floor of the house empty.  He walked up the stairs and could hear the shower running.  Careful not to make to much noise, he peeked into Julia's room and saw that she was fast asleep.  Looking at his watch he saw that it was, indeed, time for her nap.

Mort then walked into Alex's – no, his – bedroom.  _Why can't I accept any of this as being mine?_  The door to the bathroom was cracked and he could hear Alex humming, slightly out of tune.  He couldn't help but smile when he heard her, despite all of the negative thoughts running through his mind.  He pushed the door open a bit further.

"Mort?"  In spite of the water, Alex heard the door squeak.

He took a step back, but couldn't leave.  "Yeah," he said, sounding distant to himself.

"Did things go all right?"

_Just one more time before it's over…_  He couldn't answer – more importantly, he didn't want to, not yet.  Mort shed his clothing and pushed back the shower curtain.  Alex was rinsing her hair, her eyes closed, and either didn't notice, or else she didn't let Mort know that she was aware of his presence.  His hands gently ran down her stomach, causing her to smile.

"I was expecting a 'yes' or 'no', but I like this better."  She pulled Mort under the comforting stream of warm water and kissed him.  When she broke the kiss, she softly said, "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you where I was going."   

Mort put his finger to her lips.  "In a while…please?"  His eyes pleaded with her and she understood that words were not an option at the moment.  Alex wrapped her arms around Mort, holding him close to her.  His lips began to wander her skin and the couple became lost in the water and its steam.  Without a word to each other, they began making love in the shower – however, they eventually wound up on the bedroom floor.

Mort's back was against the foot of the bed.  Both he and Alex were clad in towels and nothing more.  Alex's head was resting in Mort's lap and his fingers were tracing along her back.  Eventually, Alex sat up and cupped Mort's face.

"Can we talk now?" she asked sweetly. 

Mort swallowed.  "Yeah," he whispered.  "Why don't we get dressed first though?"

**_Stall much?_**

Mort and Alex dried and dressed, then Alex sat on the bed and began to talk.  "I should have told you where I was going, Mort."

He sat next to her.  "You have a right to your privacy," he said nervously.  "And if you had reason to go to Dr. Harris…"

"Dr. Harris?"

"I knew I freaked you out yesterday and…"

"Mort, I didn't go see Dr. Harris," Alex said softly.

"You…you didn't?  But you were leaving his building."

Alex blushed.  "True, but…Mort, I have another doctor in the same building – up a couple of flights."

Mort suddenly forgot his own problems.   "You do?  Are you all right?"  

"It depends on you, really."

"Me?"

Alex looked down and twisted the comforter in her hands.  "I know that you…well, you seem to adore Julia…"

"Like she's my own," Mort said softly.

"But you were supposed to have your own…"

"Maybe I wasn't," Mort said, interrupting.  "Stuff happens for a reason, right?"

Alex smiled, suddenly feeling better.  "You really believe that?"

"I guess.  I mean, you have to believe something, right?"  Mort watched as Alex's eyes began to well with tears.  "Alex?"

She smiled.  "You're getting a second chance, Mort."

"Wha…"  He couldn't put things together right away, after all, he had expected to hear about Alex going to Dr. Harris, not to a…  Finally, it hit him.  "You went to…Oh, my God…"

Immediately Alex began to panic.  "Oh, God…you're upset."

"Upset?"  Mort took Alex into his arms.  "No, baby…Oh, God, no."  He kissed her.  "I am jumping to the right conclusion, right?  We are having a…"

Alex nodded.  "Yeah.  So…you're happy?"

Mort smiled and let his hand wander to Alex's stomach.  He gently lifted her shirt and caressed her skin.  "A baby," he said softly.  He leaned down and kissed her just below her bellybutton.  For the time being, everything that he's been worried about faded.

"I was so worried," Alex confessed.  "I didn't know whether you'd be happy or…"

"Happy isn't the right word."  He realized how self-centered he was being.  "You…Alex, how are you with this?"

She smiled.  "I knew I wanted more than one child, I just didn't know it would be so soon…but I couldn't be happier."  The heat between she and Mort began to rise again as their lips met.  Alex found herself unable to keep her hands off of Mort.  "I love you."

"You've no idea how much I love you, Alex."  _I need to tell her.  I have to be honest with her.  I swear, I'll tell her everything before we go to bed tonight._


	37. I Won't Run Away

To celebrate, Mort took Alex out for dinner.  After getting Julia situated in her high chair, the couple continued to gush over their future child.

"I can't believe I forgot to ask how far along you are," Mort said, feeling badly about it.

"Nothing to worry over.  I'm about six or seven weeks into it."  Alex smiled at him.   "I think…Well, I'm pretty sure that it was the morning after I…the morning I didn't go to work."

"Some reunion," he chuckled.

**_Tell her now._**

_Now?  Why now?  Now's happy..._

**_Trust me._**

Mort found himself feeling the need to get everything out in the open.  "Alex, I don't want to spoil tonight, but I need to tell you what happened at Dr. Harris' office today."

"Are you all right?" Alex asked, her voice flooded with concern.

_The faster, the better._  "My medication's been changed and Dr. Harris wants to, well, he wants us both to attend my therapy sessions."  Alex looked puzzled.  "He says I have a few symptoms of schizophrenia, but he doesn't think I necessarily have it…and now you're carrying…if you don't want to have it and…"

"What?"  Alex sounded appalled.

"Well, I just mean that…I'd understand if you want me out of your life now and…"  Discreetly, Alex reached across the table and slapped Mort – not harshly, but enough to bring him back to reality.  He looked stunned and grateful all at once.

"Are you back?" Alex asked.  "For a minute, there was some crazy person in your body."

"Let's not phrase things like that, O.K.?"

She took Mort's hand.  "I have every intention of bringing your child into this world, Morton Rainey.  I love you.  Whatever Dr. Harris thinks needs to be done…"

"How can you be so fine with this?"

Alex's face grew noticeably sad.  "You asked me that before, remember?"  Mort nodded silently.  "I don't know what kind of a relationship you had with Amy, but…I'm not her.  I'm not going to give up on you – especially not now."  She sighed.  "I don't want to sound like some Lifetime movie or anything, but I mean it.  I love you and I know that we can work through whatever's wrong together."

Keeping his voice low, Mort said, "I'm scared of something happening to one of us."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want either of us to get hurt."

"Hurt?"  Alex looked confused.  "Emotionally?

"Emotionally, physically…I - I don't know."  Mort suddenly looked and felt helpless.

"Mort?"

"I've seen him, Alex," he blurted.  "I've seen John Shooter as clearly as I see you right now.  He says things…threats.  At first it only happened when things were falling apart…when I was depressed, but things were fine when I missed that damn pill and…"

"You saw him then?"  Mort nodded.  "You _see_ him?"

Suddenly, part of Mort's mind felt blocked.  There was something else he wanted to tell her.  Shooter.  Shooter had trapped Mort inside of his own body and "taken" Alex – but something was preventing the memory from coming to Mort's conscious mind – he couldn't tell her.  He couldn't even remind himself of it.

**_You'll lose her._**  Mort's voice of reason?  Was that too so desperate not to be alone that it was blocking things from him?

"Mort?" Alex said, pulling him back to her.

"I'm sorry," he said softly.  "Are you ready to run _now_?"

Alex put her hand on her stomach.  "No."  She locked her eyes with his.  "I won't tell you that I'm not worried about you, but you haven't given me a solid reason to…"  Her voice trailed off.  "I refuse to push you away again.  What good would that do either of us?  I mean, especially now.  I…I'm not perfect by any means, so what would give me the right…"  She struggled, unable to find the right words.  With a deep sigh, she gave up and switched the subject slightly.  "I'll go to therapy with you.  I'll do whatever I can to help you."

"What if…"

Alex shook her head, dismissing his "what if" before he could even ask it.  "Have you ever, um, seen things when you were alone with Julia?"

"No."

"With me?"

"Well, no…"

"Then I'm not worried.  I mean, I'm worried about you, of course but…Ugh, I'm just digging a deeper hole for myself to talk my way out of.  I promise you that if my outlook on any of this changes, if I do get scared, I'll tell you.  I love you, Mort.  I won't run away from you again."

Mort felt himself fight to keep from breaking down.  He lost.  Tears flowed freely from his mocha eyes; Alex lovingly wiped them away.  Amy would never have been so understanding, so supportive…so brave.  Brave?  Well, Mort _was_ seeing someone who didn't exist and she refused to turn away from him, even after he voiced his fear about something bad happening.  He couldn't help but think what his life would have been like had he met Alex first.  He _could_ have avoided all of this.  He _could_ have, possibly, been free of so many issues.  Life didn't happen that way though, and he was grateful for having her now when he needed someone the most.

Mort's hand reached across the table in search of Alex's.  As he gently squeezed it, the only words he could get out were, "Thank you."  The love between them was understood wordlessly.


	38. The Truth Comes Out

**_Author's Note:_**  O.K., guys, it's coming down to the end.  Thank you ALL for the reviews, the e-mails, the instant messages, it really motivated me to write as quickly as I could.  This is the next to the last chapter – and here is a treat for you, my faithful readers.  **_You_** will choose the ending.  Sometime in the next few days, I will upload two chapters at the same time.  Each an ending, each different, and your choice.

Some of you figured out Alex's ending and thought it a little predictable, well, it really wasn't meant as a huge surprise, I mean, if your not careful, babies happen – I'm just glad that, all in all, you liked the idea of these two having one of their own.

Let's see, what else…Oh, I'm using another song in this chapter.  Actually, after I started to take this story seriously, I was listening to it and this entire scene played itself out in my mind.  The song is called "Let it Go" and it is by the band "Destrophy."  Awesome band, awesome album by the name "Chrysalis." 

O.K., I'm done blabbing.  Oh, I think that I managed a decent twist in this chapter.  Please let me know what you think and as soon as I get one of the endings done (one's already written), I'll upload them

***

Alex and Julia had gone out with Karen, leaving Mort with some time to himself.  The sun streamed in through the picture window in his office; one of the rays striking the diamond ring that sat on his desk.  The heart shaped stone sent small flecks of color onto the ceiling, as well as the open velvet box it resided in.

Mort and Alex had been going to their joint therapy sessions for two months and Alex, in Mort's eyes, had been nothing short of amazing.  She thought of questions to ask that Mort hadn't and offered insight that only could have come from someone so close to him.  The new medication was working wonders as well.  No Shooter.  Not one accent laden thought had slipped into Mort's mind.  The threat seemed to be gone.

As if all of this wasn't enough, Mort's writing was flourishing again.  He had started a new novel that he gladly based on his life, the idea of which never sat so well with him before (especially since "Secret Window" was written and revised).  The story of love, deceit, betrayal, and starting a life over again was given a few twists, but was destined for a happy ending – again, something that Mort's stories rarely included.  More than anything, this story was therapeutic for Mort.

School was out for the summer, which gave Alex and Mort more time together.  Her pregnancy was showing, quite obviously, on her small frame now, and Mort found that he had a hard time keeping his hands away from her stomach.  In a few months, he'd be a father…and he was more than ready to be a husband again.

Mort had the evening all planned out.  A romantic dinner – careful to avoid the foods that, at this stage, made Alex a bit queasy – then a trip to the overlook of the city, where Alex loved to go.  A traditional "get down on one knee and profess your love" proposal – that's what he wanted.  He already knew her answer, they had already discussed marriage…he simply wanted to go about things the "right" way.

**It don' matter none, Mr. Rainey.  She'll go too.**  Shooter's voice boomed in Mort's head.

Mort froze, his eyes fixated on the engagement ring.  "There is no possible way in hell that I just heard that," he insisted to himself.

Shooter laughed dryly.  **Don' know how long it's gonna take to convince you that I ain' leavin'.  I'm here 'cause you need me.  No medicine, no _woman_ will make me go away for too long.**

Fed up, Mort rose from his chair and walked to the bookshelves.  In an attempt to drown out Shooter's voice, he turned on the stereo system on the middle shelf and turned the volume knob up almost the entire way.  Ironically, the song that came blaring out of the speakers was far more than fitting.

_All I want is everything  
And everyone listens when I say  
All I want is everyone  
To understand everything I've done  
So why am I numb  
And how can it be that it hurts so much  
Who am I? I'm what you are  
Whenever you strip off your makeup_

**You can't drown me out, Mr. Rainey.  She knows far too much about me.  She's tellin' that doctor things that only we should know.  She's gotten in the way of our business.**

"We don't have any business!" Mort screamed.  "Get the fuck out of my head!"

**Fine.**  Shooter materialized in front of Mort.  "Out enough for you, Mr. Rainey?"

"Jesus, no…"  Mort backed up, terrified.

_Have I said too much?  
How can I stop when I've nothing to trust  
So I've become numb  
From probing the inside of me_

"You took my life away from me years ago, Mr. Rainey.  It was such a good story, such a good life and you went and hit that blasted 'delete' key and took it all away.  Then you thought that wasn' enough and you burned what was left of me!  You _burned_ my life, why do you think I'm so keen on havin' yours?"

_And all I want  
Is to be like you  
It never ends  
And will be always  
And all I need  
Is to see this through  
Then you and me  
We will be always_

            "This…this isn't real.  You're _nothing_!"  Mort's voice was desperate.  "I am the only one who can live my life!"

            "I was happy with my life – until you destroyed it.  You gave me a second chance to live after I died then took it away from me!"

            Mort was more confused than he'd ever been. "Wh-what are you…"  He grabbed the sides of his head and gritted his teeth.  "What's going on?"

            "You bought my hat, Mr. Rainey.  Do you remember that?"  Shooter smiled.  "O' course you do.  You were with Amy…I ne'er liked her.  Made killin' her far more fun for me."__

            "No…no this isn't real.  You are **_not_** real!"

            "You put on my hat, Mr. Rainey, and I entered your mind – I've been there ever since.  You didn't create me.  You weren't writin' no story about me, you were writin' my _life_.  Everything I did.  I told you _everything_ to put into that damned computer o' yours.  It was too much for you though, you couldn't accept what I'd done, so you stopped writin'.  You killed me again, Mr. Rainey."  Mort shook his head, trying to push out all of what he was being told.  "You're not sick, I simply want another chance at life, and I'm doin' it by takin' yours.  I stayed away long enough to make you think that you were 'fine' – and I _s'pose_ you are.  I _s'pose_ you always have been, since I'm the one who's been doin' all the killin'."

            "What the fuck are you?"  Mort knew he didn't have to ask.  He never believed in such things, but he couldn't help but feel relief.  _He_ wasn't sick.  _He_ wasn't delusional.  _He_ wasn't psychotic.  He _was_, however, the plaything of a dead psychopath.

_Wake up  
I'll never be like you  
Slither and suffer in me always_

_Wake up  
I'll never be like you  
Slither and suffer in me always_

            Shooter smiled again.  "Now, I know that brain o' yours has put everythin' together, Mr. Rainey.  You remember when I told you that you stole my story?  I wasn't lyin'.  I killed my wife," he laughed, "killed lots o' people, actually, and buried her in her own damn garden.  I got caught though, you see.  That's how I died, I got caught and I hung for it."  Mort couldn't respond.  "But then you came along and for the longest time, Mr. Rainey, I couldn't get through to you after you destroyed the story of my life…but then _your_ life fell apart. You found out about your wife's affair and in I stepped.  I thought that gun was loaded, my mistake, but I made up for it later, yes indeed."

            "You…you made me bring that gun?"

            Shooter nodded.  "And I've helped you, Mr. Rainey.  Took care of that cheatin' wife o' yours, as well as the man who took your place in her bed.  It was so much easier to get you to let me out then.  You were weak.  That's why you need to be alone."

            Mort wasn't going to let this…thing, whatever it truly was, take over his body, his life.  "That's precisely why I refuse to be alone!"

            "You're not meant to be a social creature, you lock yourself up to write…"

            "No!  Not anymore!  Not with her!  Not with Julia!  Not…not with the baby!"  Angry tears streamed down Mort's face.

            The song played on.  _Denial_

            "I'll be getting rid of them too.  Every one of them," Shooter threatened.  He rushed toward Mort and grabbed his shoulders roughly.  "They'll all die!"  Shooter's voice calmed.  "Already had my way with your girl, remember?  She has some spunk."

            _A liar_

            Mort screamed and pushed Shooter away – he went to his desk and began to search through the drawers.  "You are _not_ me!" he yelled.  "You will _not_ harm my family or take over my life!"  Everything Shooter made Mort do came crashing into his brain at full speed.  Chico, Tom, Ken, Amy, Ted…the garden, the corn.  He fell to his knees, sobbing.  There was no inner voice telling him what to do this time.  "You made me do…"

            "You squirmed somethin' fierce, but I won out in the end, Mr. Rainey, and I'm gonna do it again."

            Mort wiped his eyes.  "Only me?  I'm the only one you can do this too?"

            Shooter looked puzzled for a moment.  "You're the one who took my hat.  You're the one that knows my life story.  I s'pose that's why I can't find someone more willin' to let me in."

            "I won't."  Still on his knees, Mort found what he had been searching for.  This time, there were bullets.

_It's time to let it go_

_It's time to let it go  
It's time to let it go  
It's time to let it go  
  
_

_And it's all I want  
And I need it so_

_And it's all I want  
And I need it so_


	39. Ending 1 Sacrifice

Shooter heard the cocking of the gun and his eyes went wide.  "Stop squirmin', boy!" he yelled.  "I won' let you take the coward's way out!"

"I'm not," he said, his mind drifting to Alex, Julia, and his unborn child.  "I'm stopping you."  The black hat.  That damn black hat was under his desk.  Getting a quick idea, Mort put it on his head, then held the gun to his temple.  _I'm sorry Alex.  I have to keep you safe.  I love you._  

Shooter screamed and rushed toward Mort, but before he reached him, the gun went off.  Mort's body crumpled on the floor, leaving Shooter in a panic.  "No!  You son of a bitch!"  Instantly, he felt his hold on the "mortal world" weaken.

An hour later, the front door opened and Alex, Julia, and Karen came through it.  Immediately, Alex heard the stereo.  "Boys will be boys, huh?" she laughed.  

"Steven has those days too."  Karen looked at her watch.  "Well, you've been away from him for a few hours, I'm sure the urge to kiss him is killing you."

Alex acted innocent.  "As a matter of fact, it is."  She smiled and made her way to Mort's office.  The door was wide open, but the office didn't look as bright as it had earlier.  It was now raining outside and no specks of color were shining in the room.  Alex went to the stereo and turned it off.  Mort was nowhere in sight. 

Feeling concerned, but not worried, Alex found herself looking around the office.  Eventually, her eyes fell on the small box on the corner of the desk.  Still open, she was able to see what was inside.  Her hand flew to her mouth.  _Oh, Mort…_  She knew she shouldn't be looking, but she couldn't help herself.  When she lowered her head to steal a good look at the ring, she saw him.

Her second chance at real love, the father of her unborn child, was lying behind his desk in a bloody heap.  She couldn't scream; her mind wouldn't let her accept what she was seeing.  "Mort?" she said softly.  Tears began to form in her eyes.  "Please, God…no."  She knelt next to his body.  Her mind understood now, but her heart didn't.  She didn't think twice about the hat, which had fallen from his head after he hit the floor, when she caressed his face.  He was still slightly warm.  "M-Mort?"  She finally broke down, sobbing.  "Mort!"

Karen heard her sister's scream and, unsure of what was happening, put Julia in her playpen before running into the office.  The desk blocked her view and she couldn't see right away…but when she did, her heart broke.  Before consoling her sister, she called 911.  As soon as the call was finished, she was at Alex's side, turning her sister's head away from her deceased lover.

The next few days were a blur to Alex.  She was bombarded with questions that she couldn't answer by a large number of people and the funeral…that was harder for her than Tristan's was.  Why?  Well, she looked at the facts.  Mort was very obviously going to propose to her, but instead killed himself.  Alex was shattered. 

Karen did all she could for her sister both before and after Mort's burial.  She couldn't believe that Alex was with child once again, under the same circumstances…well, almost the same.  She just couldn't understand why Mort would so such a thing.  Dr. Harris had his theories, but none of them could ever be proven.  Speaking of the doctor, Alex was seeing him twice a week now – determined to fight against her depression – determined to make sure that her child entered into this world a healthy one.

After a few weeks, Alex forced herself to go back to her house – she hadn't stepped foot inside since the afternoon of Mort's death.  Someone had been hired to clean the office, Karen had checked it herself to make sure that all evidence of…to make sure that the job was well done.  Both Steven and Karen went with her, knowing full well that she may not be able to take the stress.  

"You can stay in here," Alex said as they entered the living room.  "I…I want to go in alone."

"Alex, are you sure?" Steven asked.  

She nodded silently and went into the office.  _Why, Mort?  What made you do it?  Did he…did you see him again?  Did the medication…_  She couldn't think clearly once she walked to his desk.  Mort's laptop sat open and it was on, she could hear its low hum.  For some reason she looked around, part of her expecting to see him.  She was alone.  Alex walked to the other side of the desk to look at the screen.  It wasn't blank.  Her knees weakened and she sat down in his chair.  Slowly and through watery eyes, she began to read.

_Alex,_

_I wish that things didn't have to be this way; you need to know that I didn't want to leave you.  I have a feeling that you already know that much.  I never would have abandoned you unless there was no other way to keep you safe.  There is nobody else on this earth that has ever shown me the kind of love and support that you did.  You saved me.  You gave me a chance to live again._

_My last thoughts were of you, Julia, and our unborn child.  I swear that I will keep watch over you all.  The pain that you are feeling now is unbearable – I know because I can feel it too.  It will pass, I promise.  _

_On the bookshelf, there is a copy of Everybody Drops the Dime.  I know that you understand the significance of that book.  There is paperwork inside instructing that…to be brief, all that I have, and all royalties that may come in, belong to you and the girls.  You read that correctly.  We made a girl, Alex._

Alex silently cried into her hand.  If this were some kind of joke, then someone very cruel had been in here – but deep down, something was telling Alex that this made sense, that what she was reading truly was from Morton Rainey.  She continued to read.

_I wasn't sick.  You're reading something that you know shouldn't be possible; therefore what I have to tell you shouldn't seem any more unbelievable.  John Shooter was a real person.  He died and tried to use me as a way to live again.  I didn't believe him until the very end.  I refused to let him harm you – that is why I'm gone.  He can't hurt anyone now._

_Look to your left._

Now sobbing, Alex looked to the left of the laptop.  The ring that should have been on her finger was sitting on the desk blotter.  _That wasn't there…I know that wasn't there._  Her hands were trembling terribly as she picked up the ring.  Her eyes shot back to the screen.

_I wanted to marry you, to make a real life with you, to make a family with you.  I'd give you the world if I could.  I'm not asking you to wear what you've found, but I am asking you to please keep it.  _

Alex didn't think twice before slipping the ring onto her finger.  _Where are you, Mort…I swear to God, you're here._   

_I love you, Alex.  I am always with you…_

She scrolled down the document, but there was nothing else to read.  _No…no, please…there has to be more…_  She got up and, on shaky legs, went into the living room.  "Nobody's been in there, right?" she asked frantically.  "Nobody's touched a thing since the office was cleaned up?"

"No," Karen said, standing up.  Her sister was horribly pale and tears were still flowing from her eyes.  "Alex, sweetheart, what's…"

"His computer, was it on the desk when you were here?"

"I don't think so."

"And you swear – you _swear_ that nobody has been in there."

"Not a soul, Alex.  Why?"

Alex pulled on Karen's arm and led her into the office.  "Look!" she said, pointing to the laptop.  Karen walked over to it and looked at the screen.  

"What am I looking at?" she asked gently.

"Mort…Mort, he wrote to me!  Read it!"

Karen's eyes welled with tears, but she did everything she could to keep them from falling.  "Honey, it's blank."

Alex looked horrified.  "No…"  She rushed to the desk and looked over Karen's shoulder.  It was gone.  "It was here," she said weakly.  "I'm not making it up."

Karen hugged Alex.  "Alex," she cooed, stroking her hair, "you're under a lot of stress and…"

"I didn't see things," Alex insisted.  She held up her hand.  "You put this away, didn't you?  You took this with you and you put it away somewhere because I asked you to."

"I…I did.  You told me not to tell you where."

"It was right here," Alex said, pointing to the place on the desk where she found it.  "I didn't put it there.  Please tell me that it wasn't you."

Karen shook her head.  "It…it wasn't.  There has to be some explanation though."

"There is," Alex said surely.  

"He's gone, Alex.  I'm sorry, but he's gone and he didn't put…"  The look on Alex's face made her stop.  "I'm going to make sure Steven…come on, you shouldn't be in here."

"I'll be out in a minute."  Alex continued to stare at the screen after Karen left.  _Come back…_  She walked to the bookshelves and pulled out the copy of Everybody Drops the Dime – upon opening the cover, she found several folded legal documents.  She wasn't sure of the jargon on them, but she knew what they were going to boil down to.  She thought back to what she had read.  _Why is it gone?_

She placed the book and the papers on the desk – she'd deal with them tomorrow.  She took a final look at the office, then turned to leave.

_To the soul's desires  
The body listens  
What the flesh requires  
Keeps the heart imprisoned_

She froze.  The stereo had turned on and she stood staring at it.  _God, am I losing it?  I know I didn't do that.  
  
_

_What the spirit seeks  
The mind will follow  
When the body speaks  
All else is hollow_

Her mind went to the first night that she and Mort had made love.  How was it possible that that exact song was playing now?  She turned to face Mort's desk again and nearly fainted when she caught her reflection in the window.  She wasn't alone anymore.  

_I'm just an angel  
Driving blindly  
Through this world_

Mort stood behind her, a sad smile on his face._  
  
I'm just a slave here  
At the mercy  
Of a girl___

Alex watched as his arms slid around her.  She didn't feel cold, as she expected, she felt warmth coming from him.  His hands stopped, resting on her swollen stomach.

_Oh I need your tenderness  
Oh I need your touch  
Oh I dream of one caress  
Oh I pray too much_

She started to cry again, but she heard Mort's voice in her ear.  "Shh, no more tears, baby.  I love you."  She smiled and turned to see him, but he wasn't there.  She looked back at her reflection, she was alone…but she knew that Mort would somehow always be there.

**~The End~**

***

**_Author's Note: _** Well, there you have it – the "not so happy" ending of the story.  Thanks for all of the support – can I get one last review?  Pretty please?


	40. Ending 2 Past and Present

Four years earlier… 

Amy Rainey walked through the front door of her "perfect" home. She had a broad smile on her face, as she returned from a weekend with Ted – a weekend that she thought was a secret from Mort. They had gone to Amish country to shop for antiques. Originally, Amy asked Mort to go with her, but he acted strangely and turned her down. She made sure that she held no telltale signs of her affair before retuning home.

She walked into the kitchen and set her purse down on the table – it was then that she noticed the large, and very empty, Jack Daniels bottle on the counter.

"Shit," she said to herself. "I hope he's sleeping it off already." She walked to Mort's office, but he wasn't there. She sighed. "Sleeping…I'd better not complain." Cautiously, she made her way upstairs. Mort never laid a hand on Amy while intoxicated, but he was known to _occasionally_ break things or destroy any paperwork within his reach. 

The bedroom door was cracked open a bit and Amy peeked inside – Mort wasn't sleeping. She pushed the door open the rest of the way and saw Chico sitting on the bed, his clouded eyes seemed almost sad. She looked to her left and saw an open suitcase filled with Mort's clothes.

"Mort?" she called, worry in her voice.

Mort walked out from their bathroom, a bag of toiletries in hand. "What?"

"What are you doing?"

"I think it's fairly obvious that I'm packing," he said, his voice cold.

"You're drunk," Amy said accusingly.

Mort shook his head. "I'm acting pretty sober, don't you think?"

"I saw the bottle, Mort."

Without looking at his wife, he replied, "I dumped the shit down the sink." Amy was genuinely shocked. "I decided that I need to straighten some things out, Amy, drinking is one of them."

"Oh?"

"I don't like feeling upset – drinking like that makes me upset." He opened a drawer and grabbed a few more shirts, throwing them into the suitcase.

"O.K., so you're sober. Why are you packing?"

"Forgot to mention that part, did I?" Mort began to rummage in the bottom of the closet for his shoes. "Well, you see, Amy, years ago, I made a vow to you – believe it or not, you made a few yourself." Amy's eyes widened. Mort looked up and glared at her. "I know, Amy."

Amy forced a smile. "You know what, Mort?"

Mort groaned. "I know about your affair!" Amy stepped back, tears in her eyes. "Do you think I'm brainless? Did you think that I wouldn't find out?"

"Mort, I…"

"No, Amy, I don't want to hear a word out of your mouth. I'm tired of wasting my life with you."

"Wasting?"

"You keep telling me that I'm not here for you! Well maybe that's because every time I've tried to touch you since we lost the baby, you've turned over and pretended to be asleep! Why can Ted touch you?"

Amy leaned against the doorway, tears now flowing down her face. "You…you write all the time…you…"

"How do you think I paid for this house? Writing is my job, Amy, and since I've nothing else to do…"

"I…" Amy couldn't find the words, or maybe she didn't want to. Mort knew now, she didn't have to hide it from him.

Mort's voice softened. "I loved you and gave you everything. I've tried with you and you still don't think it's enough. You went to another man – maybe he'll have better luck with you…he seems to be having it already." Amy slapped Mort's face. It stung, but he didn't flinch. "I had the papers drawn up last week. I signed them and they're living room."

"Just like that?" Amy asked softly.

"Thank God for prenups, huh?" Mort shut his suitcase. "I'm sending for the rest of my things. Enjoy the house."

"Where are you going to go? The cabin?"

"Me…living alone in the woods…in a house I used to share with you…not the healthiest thing to do, is it?" Mort walked toward the door. "Don't worry about where I'm going, Amy. Believe me, I won't be giving another thought to you." He put down the suitcase and walked back in the room. Amy expected an apology, but instead, Mort gave Chico a final pet on the head. He then left, walking out of Amy's life forever.

***

Present Day… 

"Daddy!" Julia toddles toward Mort in the lush backyard. He smiles and picks her up, hugging her. He kisses the top of her head before taking her inside. 

Mort walks through the sliding door into the kitchen, where Alex is making dinner. "Excuse me, ma'am, but I found the sweetest little girl in your back yard."

"Is that so?" Alex laughs.

Mort laughs in return, then quickly turns a bit more serious. "Baby, are you sure it's O.K. to be on your feet as much as you are?"

Alex smiles at Mort, her hand on her swollen stomach. "I have done this before you know," she says playfully. 

"I know," Mort says sweetly. "I wasn't here for that one though. I'm new at this, remember?"

She walks to him and kisses him sweetly. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Will you sit for a minute?"

"O.K." Alex sits in the chair across from Mort. "I ran out of milk," she says, giving him puppy dog eyes. 

"You should save that look for when you really need it," he teases. He looks at Julia, who is still in his arms. "Wanna go for a ride with Daddy?" Julia doesn't fully understand the question, but giggles at Mort. "I'll take that as a yes." Mort gets up and kisses the top of Alex's head. "Rest a few minutes?"

She smiles. "Promise."

Mort leaves the house through the front door, closing it gently behind him. The brass doorknocker held big bold letters that say "Rainey." 

_This is my beautiful house. That is my beautiful wife. This is the life I was meant for… _

**~The End~**

***

**_Author's Note: _** Well, there you have it – a happy ending. I couldn't not have a happy ending, Mort deserved it. Thanks for all of the support – can I get one last review? Pretty please?  

I've gotten several questions about this ending and that it doesn't really make sense.  Here's my explanation: "They had gone to Amish country to shop for antiques. Originally, Amy asked Mort to go with her, but he acted strangely and turned her down."  What this means?  Mort never bought Shooter's hat.  Shooter never tried to take over his life.  Mort knew about Amy and Ted and went about his reaction in a much different way – leaving Amy.  Through fate, or whatever you want to call it, he still met Alex after Tristan's passing.  Their lives pretty much went the same way – minus Shooter's involvement.  I hope that clears things up for everyone.  


End file.
